3 Things to Consider Before Entering Into a Dating Relationship

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I sat in the seat of the mini-van and watched my mom’s lips curl downward into a frown. She turned to me, “I think you need to be careful about how much of your heart you give away.”

I sulked in my seat, “I know what I’m doing.” In my head, a rebellious litany broke forth, Why does she have to be so strict. I am just fine! At 16, I didn’t think I needed her advice. I was pretty sure I knew everything I needed to know about myself and the object of my heart’s affection. However, years later, I would have to reflect back on that conversation and realize my mom was right.

I hadn’t been very careful about guarding my heart in a dating relationship, and I got burned. Just at the point when I thought our relationship would take off, he dropped me. It would take me years to get over the hurt and find healing. I should have heeded my mom’s advice and never entered into a relationship with him.

While we can’t always foresee how a relationship will turn out or protect ourselves from disappointment, we can be wise about whom we enter into a relationship with. Song of Songs 8:4 warns us not to “arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” In other words, we should be careful about allowing romantic feelings to be stirred in our heart.

As detailed later in the same passage, love is strong and “burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame” (Song of Songs 8:6). It is a wonderful connection God allows us to feel with someone else. Because the emotions are so strong, we need to be careful about opening our heart to just anyone.

We need to consider a few things before we enter into a dating relationship with him:

1. Our relationship with God.

While this may not sound like a logical place to start, we need to evaluate if we are in a good place with God at the moment. Are we regularly spending time with Him? Are we seeking His will for our life in prayer?

In order to have any hope of entering in to a godly union with another person, we need to focus on getting ourselves in a place where we are strong in our own relationship with the Lord. If we are solid in our spiritual walk, we will have better discernment about whom we should and should not date, and our priorities will be in the right place. If God isn’t the center of our life, we will be more likely to seek out someone to take that “savior” place and enter into an unhealthy relationship (where we are not consulting God about life or His will for our life).

2. His relationship with God.

The Bible talks about not being “unequally yoked” with another person (2 Corinthians 6:14, NKJV). In other words, we don’t want to choose someone who isn’t making God a priority. The reason for this is that no matter how handsome or charming or amazing this person is, we can’t foresee how this person will treat us years down the road. We may think he will change into a more spiritual person, but we can’t count on it.

A good way to know whether or not this person has a great relationship with the Lord is to not only observe his actions in various scenarios but to pay attention to what other people say about him. What kind of reputation does he have in the community? In his church? With mutual friends?

Once I went on a date with a good-looking guy in my college, He had just broken up with a previous girlfriend. He spent most of our first dinner date talking about her. Shortly after that date, a few of her friends urged me not to go out with him again. Apparently, his behavior toward his girlfriend had been less than desirable. We never went out again after that first date. He ended up moving away, but I felt uneasy because the things he said about himself didn’t match up with what people said about him.

Obviously, he had some baggage to work through, and he wasn’t a good candidate for a new relationship. When considering whether or not to enter into a relationship with someone, we should do our homework and find out a little about this person and what others say about him. Someone who has left behind a string of broken relationships or displayed a pattern of undesirable behavior is someone we need to stay away from.

3. Warning signs.

Perhaps some of you reading this struggle with people-pleasing. You struggle to say no and try to please those around you. In a dating relationship, you may make excuses for a person’s repeated bad behavior and disrespect of you because you don’t want the relationship to be over. You want to believe that it will get better, and you may struggle to assert yourself for fear that you will lose the relationship.

However, pay attention to the warning signs, that feeling in your gut that something isn’t right. Personally, as a young person I discovered that a guy’s actions say much more than his words. If he says great things in your presence and says he will call you, but then doesn’t, he isn’t really that committed to the relationship.

Years ago, a book called He’s Just Not That Into You came out. The author wrote it because he got fed up with the denial his female friends were living in. His main point in the book is this: If a guy is not calling and is evasive and doesn’t have time for you, He’s just not that into you!

Chasing after someone who doesn’t treat you well is never going to be a good scenario for you. While it may be painful to break if off initially, you will be happier in the long run. You will make space for a person who does treat you well to come along and practice setting boundaries that show you respect and value yourself and expect others to do the same.

Not too Late to Make Good Choices

If you are reading this and you know that you haven’t been wise in your dating relationships, it’s not too late to start. In addition, if you are feeling bad because not only have you chosen poor candidates to be involved with but have also veered outside the boundaries of God’s Word by getting too physical before marriage, know that there is no condemnation for you as a believer (Romans 8:1). You can repent and allow God to cleanse you and make a new beginning.

By making a conscious effort now to use wisdom in choosing a person to date, you will set yourself up for more peace and fulfillment down the road.

Related Resources:

If you need help breaking free of emotional connections from past unhealthy relationships, check out the articles on soul ties listed below the author box in the “Related articles” section beneath this post.

Also, if you struggle to form healthy relationships and allow others to love you because of low self-worth, these articles can help: Self-Worth: The Question Every Woman Asks, Self-Worth: How to Start Accepting Yourself, Self-Worth: How to Feel Better About Yourself, and 4 Reasons Why You Should Forgive Yourself.

*Updated February 15, 2018.

 

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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How I’m Overcoming My Panic Attacks With the Help of the Holy Spirit (Part 2)

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In this episode, we continue our 2-part series talking with Sheila Michael about her struggle with anxiety and panic attacks. (Check out Part 1 if you would like to hear the first part of Sheila’s testimony.) Sheila shares about what she has learned in her journey about tapping into the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome her panic attacks. We also discuss how many believers are afraid of the Holy Spirit or unaware of what the Holy Spirit does — and offer advice about how to live in the power of the Holy Spirit in our Christian walks to overcome not only anxiety, but any of life’s issues we encounter.

Related Resources:

Want to listen to co-hosts Carol Whitaker and Suzy Lolley talk through and explain the points in more of our latest posts? Subscribe on Soundcloud and receive all of our latest episodes!

Is anxiety a struggle for you? Check out the following resources: Overcoming Anxiety With One Simple Question and 2 Strategies for Fighting Against Anxiety.

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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Competition and Jealousy in Christian Ministry

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As I shared in a previous post, I served as a volunteer on a church launch team years ago. While many churches in the community celebrated and came alongside us to help promote our new church, the church office also received a call from a church that didn’t have a friendly agenda. They weren’t excited about a new church in the community taking away new members.

The story made me think about the unfortunate reality that sometimes we feel jealous of others in a ministry setting. We may have to watch while they get a position that we want for ourselves or they are successful in an area we are struggling in, and the temptation in that moment is to question God and act in ugly ways to promote ourselves.

However, there is a correct way to respond. When we’re not in the place we want to be in ministry or otherwise, we can rest in these three truths from Scripture:

1. Promotion comes from the Lord.

If we aren’t in the position we want in ministry, the temptation is to run to complain to another or demand whatever position we think we should have. However, we need to go to God first in prayer. God may tell us some things we don’t really want to hear when we go to Him, but He is the One who elevates. Psalm 75:6, 7 says: “No one from the east or the west or from the desert can exalt themselves. It is God who judges: He brings one down, he exalts another.” Similarly, 1 Peter 5:6 tells us, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”

We need to not only pray about our situation, but pray for and support those in leadership over us. God has raised them up to be our leaders and put them in those prominent positions. Obviously, there can be those who abuse power and create unhealthy situations in ministry. That does happen and is a topic for another post; I am not suggesting that you accept an abusive situation.

However, I am saying that when we view our situation with the knowledge that God promotes, we view Him as our Source rather than the leader. In a healthy situation, we can serve faithfully in whatever role we’re in (however small), and we can trust Him to raise us up in His timing. If indeed we need to have a conversation with a leader about a role we would like to have, we can do so with wisdom and grace.

2. The Lord has an appointed time for everything. His timing is often not our timing.

Abraham and Sarah in the Bible waited a really long time for their promised child, and yet God had an appointed time to give them the child He had promised, and He wasn’t on their timetable.

They got frustrated and worried and hasty and tried to make the promise come true on their schedule by formulating a plan to receive the promised child through Sarah’s maidservant, Hagar, but it only made things worse. Though Hagar did become pregnant and had Ishmael, he wasn’t the child that God had promised.

As these events show us, we cannot make happen in our own lives what only God can make happen. Period. The end. Only God can orchestrate supernaturally the right events to make happen what He has promised. We can try to force events to go our way, but then we’ll be fighting against God, and we will create an “Ishmael” in our lives. The best thing we can do is submit and simply work on what He has given us to work on at the moment and trust Him to take care of the rest. As Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Along the same vein, Daniel 12:12 tells us, “Blessed is he that waits.”

Streams in the Desert, my favorite devotional, pairs the passage from Daniel with the following excerpt from Morning by Morning: “It may seem an easy thing to wait, but it is one of the postures which a Christian soldier learns not without years of teaching. Marching and quick marching are much easier to God’s warriors than standing still.” Waiting is a discipline — just like marching — and if we have been given no new orders by God, we need to be patient and make sure we don’t get ahead of God.

3. Getting to the promise is a process.

As I expressed in my previous two points, when we are promised something, we want it right way. However, God has refining and teaching work He plans to do before He allows us to have what is promised.

It has been said that Israel had a whole lot of Egypt to leave behind when God led the Hebrews out of Egypt. They spent 40 years in the wilderness learning to trust God and learning about God before God led them into the Promised Land. Years of living in Egypt had influenced them in wrong ways. And, at particular points in their journey, they begged to go back to Egypt because even though they were in bondage there, they knew what to expect and were not in a wasteland.

Similarly, when Paul was called on the road to Damascus, he still had to go through an intense 3-year period to get to know Jesus and more about His mission. He had spent the greater part of His life persecuting Christians and those in what He called “The Way.”

Joseph had a dream in which his brothers bowed down to him, but they hated him and sold him into slavery. After the dream, he was falsely accused by his master’s wife and thrown into prison for 12 years. God used that time to grow him before he rose to prominence as a governor in Egypt.

David went back to sheep-tending as a lowly shepherd after he was anointed king. There was a whole long process of training and experience that would happen before he ever reigned in a palace. He spent years on the run from King Saul. He often must have wondered, “What in the heck is going on? Aren’t I supposed to be king here?” Yet, such a position demanded years of preparation and situations that would train Him for the role.

In my own life, as I’ve surveyed some of the difficulties and conflict in answering God’s call, I’ve wanted to know why in many cases. I believe God has allowed certain situations for training purposes. I’ve begun to see them in that light. Just as with the military, they allow soldiers to simulate the type of experiences they might have in combat. God gives you those experiences you need in your life to train you for the role He has called you to (2 Timothy 2:3, 4).

The training God has us go through is not about being “good enough” for God — we are called “saints” and “holy” upon conversion because of Jesus’ work on the cross. But in our lives as believers, God works out unfavorable traits and attributes in a sanctification process. Especially if God has called us into a role where we will be teaching others, He will expect from us more than He will expect from others. Building that kind of character takes time (James 3:1).

Conclusion:

Being patient and waiting for God to work out what He has promised in our lives and not rushing ahead of Him when we get impatient is not easy. My former pastor once gave a story of a time he went to Disneyland and couldn’t get in the gate because something went wrong with his ticket. God’s promises can be like this pastor’s ticket — we have it in our hands, and when it hasn’t yet come true, we look longingly onto the other side of the gate where we long to be.

However, we have to submit to God’s plan and timing if we want His plans to work out in our lives. Although we may not like the wait or the path that leads to His promises, we should know that though we may suffer and have trials a little while, these will not last forever — and in time, He will give to us what has been promised. As 1 Peter 5:8-11 (MSG) says:

Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ — eternal and glorious plans they are! — will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.

What about you? Are you waiting on a promise from God that is taking a really long time? Share with us in the comments!

Related Resources:

For more on the topic of combatting comparison, listen to our previous episode on avoiding comparison that leads to depression.

Want to listen to co-hosts Carol Whitaker and Suzy Lolley talk through and explain the points in more of our latest posts? Subscribe on Soundcloud and receive all of our latest episodes!

Interested in salvation but want to read more? Check out our Know God page or contact us through the Contact page.

*Updated January 17, 2018

 

 

 

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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When We Fear God’s Promises for Us Won’t Come True

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Years ago, when I served with my husband as volunteers on a church launch team, I heard about another church in the area that had made a call to the church office to make an inquiry about our new launch. Unlike the other churches in the area calling to congratulate us, this particular church asked questions with a competitive agenda. Clearly, they felt threatened by another church joining the community and drawing possible new members.

A sad but true reality is that competition and envy abound even in ministry settings. I can personally give many stories from my years serving in music ministry where ugly feelings of jealousy invaded my own heart. Times I watched other people get the solo I wanted or watched other people get promoted to places I wanted to go. I wondered in those moments if God had forgotten me. How could I celebrate with others when I felt jealous that God hadn’t elevated me in the same way?

In particular, recently I have been feeling some anxiety over the fact that I am waiting on a promise that hasn’t yet been fulfilled in my life. As I was reflecting on this, I opened up Facebook to a ministry site with a few words on believing God concerning His promises.

I don’t even follow this person’s ministry, but read this message on a sponsored post. Obviously, I know we must exercise caution in just opening up whatever it is — a blog post or Facebook feed — and attributing that to the Lord. However, I am quite sure this was from the Lord for me. I burst into tears and felt my heart buoyed up for the first time that day. You see, the antidote for competitiveness and jealousy is trust. Trust that God is going to do what He said. When we feel anxious about where God has us in relation to where He has others, we can repeat this over and over to ourselves: The plans God has for me will come to pass.

Abraham and Sarah: A Lesson in Trusting in Impossible Circumstances

A couple that tells us much about waiting on the promises of God is Abraham and Sarah. They had to wait so long for their miracle child. Sarah had already gone through menopause. Abraham was an old man. However, God had promised a child to them and not even Abraham’s age or the fact that Sarah’s body had already undergone changes that made it impossible for her to carry a child prevented God from giving them what He had promised.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is when the Lord and two angels visit them and give them the heads-up that the promise is about to happen. Abraham runs to greet them and bring them a meal made from His finest flour and meat.

As they sit and eat, one of the men tells him that in a year’s time his wife will bear a child. Abraham listens quietly, but Sarah overhears from the tent, laughing to herself, saying, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure [of a child]?” (Genesis 18:12). The Lord, hearing this, says: “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really bear a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son” (Genesis 18:13, 14).

While Abraham calmly accepts God’s words and claim that the child will come within the year, Sarah thinks about the fact that she is old and laughs in disbelief at the men’s words. The difference between Abraham and Sarah’s response is that Sarah looks at their impossible circumstances and Abraham just focuses on God.

But despite her unbelief, in one year’s time, she gives birth to a son and the promise comes true just as God had said. Can you imagine the incredible temptation that presented itself over those long stretch of years to give up, turn back, lose faith, or take offense at those in their lives that had been blessed with children when they had not?

How to Trust When We Fear the Promise Won’t Come True

Perhaps as you are reading this, you can think of a promise that hasn’t come true for you. Around 20 years ago, I received a prophetic word at a youth group meeting that God was going to use me in music. A man who had spoken to our youth group and had a strong prophetic gifting prayed for young people after his message. He walked up to me and asked me if I liked music. When he posed that query, the presence of God came on me so strong that I felt a burning sensation in my throat, and I could not speak in response. I simply nodded.

The man told me I had a craving for the stage, and that I had been given that desire by God. I accepted the word with joy, but life happened. I didn’t forget the word, but I felt led to go to college and get a degree in teaching. I went through a period where I began to doubt I would ever be used in music. Then, six years into my teaching career, God called me away to pursue that music dream He had given me so long before. Except, after I left, He led me on an unusual route to start a women’s ministry and tested me with painful hardships and trials – the most painful of all being is that He asked me to give up music for a season during that period.

The journey has been difficult and long. I have been out of music for more than three years. I have looked into a few opportunities, but each time God has said no. Though I have often found myself fretting about how God is going to open up an avenue, I have the assurance of what God told me before I left teaching and long before that at the youth group meeting. In addition, I can look to Abraham here in his impossible situation and note that “against all hope” Abraham believed and God “credited to him as righteousness” (Romans 4:18).

It’s in the wait when it’s far too easy to look at someone else and want what they have and let wrong attitudes fester that eventually become wrong actions. Remember how I mentioned earlier that trust is the antidote for envy — and we should speak God’s promises over ourselves? These statements actually have a biblical basis. James 4:1-3, 7 says:

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures … Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

In this passage, James gives a practical look at what it means to fight against the desires that war inside us and trust God instead: we submit to God’s plan and resist the devil’s schemes. The word “submit” in the passage in the Greek is “hupotassó” and means to be “under God’s arrangement” (HELPS Word-studies). Essentially, there can be no submission without trust. When we submit to God’s plan, we don’t have to make up our own plan and resort to fleshly strategies (like turning on others) to try to get even or make happen what God has said.

In addition, the word “resist” in this passage in the Greek is “anthistémi.” This word was actually a military term used in classical Greek that meant to “strongly resist an opponent” or hold one’s ground (HELPS Word-studies). When the enemy whispers lies in our ear or stirs up fears about the promises God has given us, speaking aloud to others and ourselves the truth that God will do as He said is taking a firm position against the fear and lies of the enemy!

Circumstances and hardship may try to dictate to us what our calling is, but God has the final say in the matter. What He said is eternal. It will happen. He decided it long ago. Our work is simply to trust when envy threatens to steal our hope and joy. We demonstrate our trust in God’s promises when we submit to His plan and resist the enemy, even when the way looks dark. These actions put us back on the right pathway and out of the grip of fear and jealousy.

What promise in your life is as “good as dead” at the moment? Share with us in the comments and let us pray for you!

Related Resources:

Want to listen to co-hosts Carol Whitaker and Suzy Lolley talk through and explain the points in more of our latest posts? Subscribe on Soundcloud and receive all of our latest episodes!

Interested in salvation but want to read more? Check out our Know God page or contact us through the Contact page.

*Updated January 17, 2017

*

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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The Benefit of Giving When God Asks

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An almost cliché question we hear this time of year is this: What can I give the King? We hear it in songs and Christmas pageants, but the question is one that we should all take a moment to consider: What does God want from us in terms of giving? Is there a gift we can give to Him?

In my previous post, I told a story of a time when God asked me to give away a sum of money at a consignment sale. It was during a lean season of my life, so I was reluctant to give away the funds because I didn’t have any to spare, but I felt that God wanted me to simply trust Him. So I did as He asked and gave away $20 to the first person I could find, and He taught me an important lesson about the kind of giving He wants.

It was sometime after that that I studied a story of a widow in need in 1 Kings and learned more about giving, God-style.

The Widow in 1 Kings: A Woman in Need Asked to Give

In 1 Kings 17:7-16, a widow is down to her final provisions when she encounters the prophet Elijah. Elijah sees her at the town gate and asks her for some bread and water. She responds by saying: “As surely as the Lord your God lives, I don’t have any bread — only a handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it — and die” (v. 12).

Elijah tells her to first make him a loaf of bread out of what she has and then make one for herself and her son. And when she does, he promises her that her “jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry” (v. 14).

So she goes away and does what Elijah instructs — and, as a result, has enough for not only the one meal but many more meals after that.

The story is not the first in the Bible where a person is asked to give up what he or she has and trust God. In the story of Abraham, he waits for years for the promised child, and then God does something that must have appeared insane. He asks for Abraham to sacrifice his son. And did Abraham think God asked for too much at this point?

We don’t know because Scripture doesn’t tell us that. What we do know is that Abraham had been walking with God long enough to know that God would come through and that God could be trusted. So he gets up early, packs the necessary supplies, and takes his son with him to build an altar and do as the Lord had said. Except when he goes to bind the son to the altar, he sees a ram tangled in the bush and is told by an angel to sacrifice the ram instead. He is prepared, though, to kill his son because he knows that God has the power to raise his son from the dead.

Similarly, in yet another part of Scripture, the Israelites are put to a test of trust by God. When the Israelites come up against the Red Sea, they grumble, saying, “It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert” (Exodus 14:12). But Moses says, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today” (Exodus 14:14). Though they have been led by God to a mighty obstacle — straight to a huge expanse of sea — God lifts that obstacle and makes a way through the sea by parting it so that they can escape their enemies and get to dry land.

Abraham and the Israelites are in hard situations, like this widow — and yet, we see how they are delivered by God when they do as He says and let go of whatever is in their hand — whether that be the plan they had, their son, their comfort level.

God’s Idea of Giving: Sacrificial Giving That Requires Trust

With this encouragement to give up what you have, I don’t mean go drain your bank account, stop your savings plan, or harm one of your children. (God had a specific plan for asking Abraham to do what he did, and it’s important to read the passage in context and understand God is not asking us to harm anyone.) Saving and wisely managing our money is biblical, as is treating other people kindly. But I do say that God asks us to give in ways that are sacrificial. It might not be financial — He will ask of to give of ourselves. And we may be dumbfounded when God asks for what we have because it is all we have.

But we must look at what happens to the widow in the story in 1 Kings. Her gift is costly and requires her to act in faith when circumstances would deem it wiser to hoard her final meal. But when she gives, she and her son are saved and have provision after that when the situation could have gone a different way.

Though sacrificial giving seems difficult, we’re not asked to do anything that Jesus hasn’t already done. Jesus came to give himself, and we’re asked to deny ourselves and pick up our own cross in a similar way. Matthew 16:24, 25 says: “Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.’ ”

Similarly, Luke 6:30 says this: “Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured in your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

God Gives Back to Us When We Give to Him

As these passages suggest, God doesn’t ask for us to give up all we are holding onto so that He can beat us down or leave us destitute. He tests our level of trust and then gives us something better than that which we gave up. (And, please understand, I don’t mean that God necessarily gives us a huge house or a new car when we follow Him — He bestows on us blessings that are many times spiritual and cannot always be found in this world.)

In the case of the consignment sale, God replaced that which I gave away. Let me tell you what happened by sharing with you a passage from my previous post:

 The very next night [the day after the consignment sale], my husband came home with a $25 gift card from one of his drivers. He had picked up an extra job at a driving school when I quit teaching to help cover some of our expenses. One of his students’ parents had given him an unexpected tip.

Not even one day had passed and I got the return for the small bit I had given away. With $5 added to it. Instantly, I felt ashamed of how I had doubted God could supply for me in my want.

My idea of giving is to give out of abundance — when I have something extra to spare. But God’s idea of giving is to give out of my need when it will cost me something.

And when I do – He delights in showing me what an easy thing it is for Him to replace, even surpass the little that I give away.

Our challenge is this — if God is asking us to give something, let’s give it away knowing that when we do, He’ll fill us to a greater measure. Whether it be a job, a title, a relationship — whatever it is, let’s do it gladly knowing that God can bring to life whatever it is we lay down.

Editor’s Note: This post was temporarily suspended (as was the podcast) to edit the accompanying podcast, but due to technical difficulties, the podcast is not uploaded at this time. We’ll keep you posted on the podcast. Thanks and Merry Christmas!

Related Bible Verses:

John 15:13: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Luke 21:4: “All these people gave their gifts our of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

Related Resources:

Want to listen to co-hosts Carol Whitaker and Suzy Lolley talk through and explain the points in more of our latest posts? Subscribe on Soundcloud and receive all of our latest episodes!

For an in-depth discussion of this passage, a great resource that expands on giving up what we have to be used by Jesus is the book mentioned in the podcast: The Blessings of Brokenness, by Charles Stanley.

Interested in salvation but want to read more? Check out our Know God page or contact us through the Contact page.

 

 

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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Giving When You Have Nothing to Give

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Some time ago, I went to a large children’s consignment sale.

Because the consignment only accepted cash or check, I had to withdraw a set amount of money before I entered. Of course, I did not remember this until after I pulled in the parking lot, turned off the car, lifted my son out of his car seat, strapped him in his stroller, and headed towards the building.

When I realized my dilemma, it was a great deal of trouble to retrace my steps, lift my son back out of his stroller, strap his unwilling little body back into his car seat, fold up the stroller, and drive in the direction of an ATM (when the consignment sale was located in an out-of-the-way location).

Therefore, when I retrieved the $60 cash from the ATM and headed back to the sale, I was determined to spend every cent of it. I had a list in my head: My daughter was growing out of the size 5 clothes I had just bought her, and I knew they weren’t going to last the winter.

Once inside, I zoned in on the girls’ section, size 6 racks — a woman on a quest. I gave my son his first snack (to buy myself a few minutes of browsing time), and I started to pull item after item off of the racks. Everything she needed: pajamas, pants, long-sleeved shirts, jeans, skirts.

A few women came near me, perusing, but I wanted them to go away. I needed to get to the best clothes first. I needed to clothe my rapidly growing daughter. And as I was hurriedly hoarding most of the size 6 rack on my pile, I felt a tugging on my heart.

The worship music playing in the background blared a little louder, like someone had turned up the volume — each word pushing into my spirit. I could hear all the verses about letting others go first, about giving and serving — about trusting. And then I felt it — God’s whisper to me: Carol, I want you to give some of that money away.

What? I didn’t want to. In fact, I was most annoyed at being bothered in the middle of my IMPORTANT SHOPPING MISSION. My arguments:

Me: My daughter needs clothes.

God: I will provide.

Me: I am doing a good thing by shopping at a reduced price establishment — this ain’t Macy’s.

God: She really doesn’t need these items yet.

Me: I’m being a good mom by stocking up and preparing for the months to come. Hello, Proverbs 31 woman, anyone?

God: Do you trust me?

I sighed and surrendered, painfully eliminating a third of the clothes on my stroller, and then I began looking for a target. Everyone near me had moved away.

“Whom do you want me to give the money to, Lord?” I asked.

I felt that it didn’t really matter. The point was to open up my selfish heart.

I got into line behind a woman with her grandchild. As I looked closer, I noticed the stroller was shabby. The woman was dressed in workout clothes — her grandchild in a T-shirt. They only had a handful of items.

I struck up a conversation with her — and when the line neared the cash register, I told her that God had impressed it on my heart to give someone money for her purchases that day. She didn’t want to accept the money, but I insisted, and then there was an awkward silence as we waited for an open cash register.

I don’t know if she really needed financial assistance. Nothing profound happened other than she got a big smile on her face. But it felt good to be obedient and to not ignore God’s nudge. So many times before I have refused.

I was reminded of some words from my Joyce Meyer New Day, New Day devotional:

One time I gave a woman a nice pair of earrings. My flesh wanted to keep them for myself, but my spirit said to be obedient to the Lord and give them away. Later that woman stood up in a meeting and told how she had been given the earrings she was wearing as a ‘free gift.’ The Lord spoke to me and said, ‘Yes, it was a free gift to her, but it cost you, just as salvation is a free gift to you but it cost Jesus His life.’ Love is the greatest gift of all. When you show forth the love of God, do it freely, sacrificially — and aggressively!

The very next night, my husband came home with a $25 gift card from one of his drivers. He had picked up an extra job at a driving school when I quit teaching to help cover some of our expenses. One of his students’ parents had given him an unexpected tip.

Not even one day had passed and I got the return for the small bit I had given away. With $5 added to it. Instantly, I felt ashamed of how I had doubted God could supply for me in my want.

My idea of giving is to give out of abundance — when I have something extra to spare. But God’s idea of giving is to give out of my need when it will cost me something.

And when I do — He delights in showing me what an easy thing it is for Him to replace, even surpass the little that I give away.

Related Bible Verses:

1 Kings 17:13-16: “Elijah said to her, ‘Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make me a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the Lord sends rain on the land.’ She went away and did as Elijah had told her. So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. For the jar of flour was not used up and jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the Lord spoken by Elijah.”

Luke 21:4: “All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

Luke 6:38: “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

*Adapted from a post originally published December 16, 2014.

Related Resources:

Want to listen to co-hosts Carol Whitaker and Suzy Lolley talk through and explain the points in more of our latest posts? Subscribe on Soundcloud and receive all of our latest episodes!

 

 

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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What the Wise Men Teach Us About Following God

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Years ago, when I was a child, I took a trip with my family each summer to visit my grandmother. Her house was located two states away, so we had to drive for a few days to get to her house. I grew up in the 80s before Internet, email, and GPS. Therefore, we used a paper map to navigate the route.

I laugh when I think of the memory. Now, when I need to find my way to a particular place, I pull out my iphone and type in the destination. Two years ago, when we moved to a new community, I found my way around quite easily because I had the automated voice on my phone’s GPS to tell me the way.

In my spiritual life, I have often wished that God’s voice was always as crystal clear as the guide on my GPS. At times, I have faced a decision and wished it was more obvious what God would have me do or would say to me in that situation. Although the Bible says that He guides those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ (Psalm 32:8,9; John 10:3-4; John 16:13), hearing from God and discerning His will isn’t always so easy. It takes time to develop the ability to recognize His voice and know which way to go.

One story we can look to for guidance in this area is the story of the wise men in Matthew 2:1-12 (ESV). A few lessons we can learn about following Jesus:

1. It doesn’t matter who you are.

What we should note in the passage is the wise men were magicians. They weren’t part of Israel’s elite or Jewish rabbi. They were Gentiles “from the east” (v. 2). And yet, they saw God’s star and followed it to Jesus.

If we have never accepted Jesus as our Savior, we may disqualify ourselves from coming to Him based on our background or the choices we have made in our past, but we must remember that God doesn’t disqualify us from coming to Him based on what we’ve done. He wants all to come and seek Him. John 6:37 says, “All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.”

Similarly, as believers, we may think that we can’t hear from Him in our Christian walk like other believers. However, we can approach Him not because of our merit but because of His work on the cross (Romans 3:23; Ephesians 2:8,9; Titus 3:5). We may not feel good enough for Jesus, but we must remember that even the most religious looking person — the person with spotless clothes and an even more spotless past — is not good enough to stand on his own righteousness in front of Jesus.

Certainly, there are certain behaviors He will ask us to let go of as we walk with Him; however, he will help us in that endeavor. When we mess up, we can come to Him, confessing our sins knowing that He cleanses us (1 John 1:9). As 2 Timothy 1:9 says, “He has saved us and called us to a holy life — not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.”

2. The way Jesus leads is often treacherous.

Often, the assignments of Jesus are difficult and those we would rather not do. They may cost us our social standing with a group. They may cost us our job. They may cost us our pride because we have to humble ourselves and take a lower position than we would want for ourselves. They may cost us delays and alterations in our own plans. But all the assignments of Jesus are perfect and lead to goodness in our lives and the lives of others (Psalm 18:30, NLT). But we have to be willing to follow where He leads.

The wise men had planned their own way back to their home, but their plans were interrupted. Instead, they had to go back a different route they had not intended, as they were warned in a dream not to return to Herod. While Jesus’ directives may appear arduous at times, His “burden” is described as “light” in the Bible. Matthew 11:28-30 says:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

I once had a discussion with God about this passage. In the midst of a season where He put particularly challenging tasks in my own path, I told Him I didn’t think His burdens were light and easy at all. In fact, I told Him His way was hard and His burdens heavy. It was only a moment after I had made this accusation of God where a revelation washed over me that our burdens are not light because we never have to do hard things — the hard things we do in obedience are what make our burden light.

Conversely, when we go our own way, however easier it may be in the moment, is when we collect heavy burdens that we do not have with Jesus (Psalm 84:10). As Thomas á Kempis is quoted as saying in this Transformation Garden devotional:

What can the world offer you without Jesus? To be without Jesus is a hell most grievous, to know Jesus the sweetness of heaven. If Jesus is with you, no enemy can harm you. Whoever finds Jesus, finds a rich treasure, and a good above every good. He who loses Jesus loses much indeed, and more than the whole world. Poorest of all is he who lives without Jesus, and richest of all is he, who stands in favor of Jesus.

3. God maps the course.

What we notice in the story is that the wise men weren’t responsible for the course, they were just responsible for following. If we commit our way to Him and continually seek His counsel, He will show us what path we should take. As Matthew Henry says, “There arises a day star in the hearts of those who seek Him.” Isaiah 30:21 says, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’ “ (See my previous post on this topic.)

How does God communicate to us which way to go? In a variety of ways — through dreams and visions, directly speaking to us, through others, etc. We hear from God by spending time in His Word every day, praying to Him, and learning about Him in a corporate worship setting with other believers.

Often, when God gives us a specific word for our lives, He will confirm it by giving us the same word in different ways more than once. For instance, 2 Corinthians 13:1(NKJV) tells us, “By the mouth of two or three witnesses every word shall be established.” In that passage, the word “word” in Greek is “rhema.” According to Helps Word Studies, “Rhema is a spoken word, made by ‘the living voice’ (J. Thayer). Rhema is commonly used in the NT for the Lord speaking His dynamic, living word in a believer to inbirth faith.”

When we listen to a sermon, read a passage, or talk to a friend, and their words deeply penetrate us and we know that word is for us from the Lord, that is a “rhema” word. If we see the same message more than once, we know God is speaking to us. One thing we must note, however, is that God’s instructions to us will never violate what He says in the Bible. We must be careful to not attribute every passing thought to God and be in His Word so we know the difference.

4. Those who trust His way get to where they need to go.

The wise men followed His star and found Him. In contrast, there were those who did not find him on that night because they weren’t looking. In fact, the wise men had to knock on doors and inquire about the Son of God because no one else was apparently all that interested. Similarly, when Jesus was born, there was no room for Him in the inn (Luke 2:7).

God has given us all promises of what He will do in our lives. Often the path to those promises is confusing and twisted and difficult. It doesn’t tell us how long wise men traveled to get to Jesus, but it was months and possibly more than that — before they found Christ. Surely, in that time they questioned the route, got discouraged, wanted to give up — but they didn’t give up and got to where they were going.

Similarly, in Mark 6:45-53, the disciples encountered a storm when Jesus sent them on a lake to row over to the other side. But though they were met with trials, they still got to where they were going because Jesus was the One who had sent them in the boat across the lake.

If we want the kind of life that is possible only with Jesus — a life where we live out our God given-purpose, we have to let Him have His way and lead us where He wants. We can chart our own path, sure, but we cannot generate the results that come from walking with Jesus. When we try to take matters into our own hands, we won’t get to where we are going. As Charles Stanley notes in The Blessings of Brokenness, “Do your part, and God will do the part only He can do!”

Conclusion:

Learning to hear from God and follow His will for our lives is a process that takes time to learn, but when we put ourselves in a position to hear from Him, He will speak to us. No matter if we like the way He leads, it is in following Him that we encounter blessings that we would not apart from Him.

When we put ourselves in a position to hear from God, He will speak to us.

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As J.R. Miller is quoted as saying in Streams in the Desert:

Every difficult task that comes across you path — every one that you would rather not do, that will take the most effort, cause the most pain, and be the greatest struggle — brings a blessing with it. And refusing to do it regardless of the personal cost is to miss the blessing.

Every difficult stretch of road on which you see the Master’s footprints along which He calls you to follow Him leads unquestionably to blessings. And they are blessings you will never receive unless you travel the steep and thorny path.

*Updated March 2, 2017.

Related Resources:

Want to listen to co-hosts Carol Whitaker and Suzy Lolley talk through and explain the points in more of our latest posts? Subscribe on Soundcloud and receive all of our latest episodes!

To read the poem by T.S. Eliot I mention in the podcast, click on this link: “Journey of the Magi.”

Interested in salvation but want to read more? Check out our Know God page or contact us through the Contact page.

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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Joy in Difficult Circumstances

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Recently, I picked up a prescription at the pharmacy. As I was waiting in line, I overheard the cashier say to the person in front of me, “There’s not much you can do.”

She was referring to the recent disaster of Hurricane Harvey as it ravaged the Houston area, and the fact that there is not much an individual can do to prevent or prepare for this kind of tragedy in one’s life. When it was my turn to step up in line, I said, “There may not be much we can to in terms of preventing these tragedies, but there is something we can do: Put our faith in God.”

She didn’t disagree with me. In fact, she nodded her head and gave me a professional smile that indicated she wasn’t entirely sure what to do with me. At a later time, because I am attempting to be less fearful and bolder in my faith, when I called to ask a question of the pharmacist, I talked with her once more and clarified that Jesus has made it possible for us to have a relationship with God. Putting our faith in Him gives us the strength to navigate tough situations.

How We Can Find Hope This Holiday Season

This Christmas, as we usher in the holiday, we may survey circumstances and feel like the cashier “there’s just not much we can do” to feel a sense of hope or joy or remedy some of the situations in our lives and world.

We live in times where fear is rampant and bad news comes at us every day: new terrorist attacks, threats from foreign countries, uncertainty in our political climate. In addition, the holidays may trigger for us painful losses, reminders of fractures in our families, discontent because our funds are low, or reminders of more peaceful times when we weren’t dealing with the stresses we are now.

However, the Word of God has much to say about how we are to approach life when we are afraid or unsure of our circumstances. In particular, Luke 2:9-15 (NKJV) addresses a group of shepherds in the field and assures them of the joy they can feel because of Jesus’ birth:

And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.’ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on the earth peace, goodwill toward men!’

So it was, when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds said to one another, ‘Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.’

While the message was meant for the shepherds and people of that day, it is also intended for us in our present day. We can draw a few key ideas from the angels’ proclamation that will help buoy our spirits, just as they did the shepherds’ spirits, if we are bogged down by negative thoughts and wish for a better time.

1. The message is for all people.

As Dr. Ralph F. Wilson notes in his exposition of the passage, the news was for “all people” (v. 10). For the listeners of the time, this meant the nation of Israel. However, we know from reading the rest of Scripture that the Gospel was intended for all the world. It is clear from the outset that this wonderful news the angels declare is not just available to an elite group of people but for all people to accept and receive. The Bible tells us that “whoever believes will not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

We must note that in some versions the text says that the good news is for all people “on whom His favor rests.” As I explain in a previous post on this passage, this small line means that the Gospel is available to those with hearts open and ready to listen. While salvation is extended to all of humanity, we don’t get saved by living a good life or simply believing there is a God. We are only saved by accepting God’s plan for salvation and putting our faith in Jesus Christ (John 14:6; Acts 4:12; Matthew 7:13,14; Romans 10:9,10).

In addition, as Wilson also emphasizes, this extraordinary message was delivered to a group of ordinary shepherds. While shepherds to us may represent a certain nobility as part of the nativity scene, shepherds in Jesus’ day were humble members of society. The fact that God chose these shepherds to be the recipients of this heavenly message, rather than an emperor or other important government official, should encourage us. God is not merely interested in those who have importance by the world’s standards. We know from this story and repeated other places in Scripture that God notices and uses the marginalized, forgotten, rejected, and unwanted.

You may think that you couldn’t possibly be chosen to be used by God or singled out for a particular calling, but He delights in using the humblest of vessels to shame the strong (1 Corinthians 1:27). Just as God showed up in an ordinary place to declare good news to these shepherds, He will show up to those who put their faith and trust in Him.

2. The message is one of peace.

There have been a few times in my life when I received really great news: when we were gifted a week at a vacation condo for my college graduation, when my parents offered to pay off our vehicle debt so that I could quit my job, when I was hired at my dream school teaching English, when I found out I was pregnant with each of my children.

However, the good news spoken of in this passage is beyond the good news we all look forward to in our lives: It is the best news mankind could possibly hear. Up until this point, mankind had been living in the fallout after Adam and Eve’s sin with hope of a future Messiah that hadn’t yet come. Life included rituals under Old Testament law that were hard to live out — and access to God only through priests.

Jesus was the prophesied Messiah — God’s plan to redeem fallen humanity. When the angels sing, “Glory to God in the highest. And on earth peace, goodwill toward men” (v. 14), the peace the angels sing about is a reconciliation in our relationship with God. Jesus came to earth to repair the relationship that was broken between man and God by man’s sin. In 2 Corinthians 5:18 it says, “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.” Similarly, Colossians 1:19-22 reads:

For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him [Jesus], and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.

Though our world may look out of control, and it may seem there is nowhere to put our hope — we have Jesus who came and provided a way for us to be connected once again to God. The Bible tells us that Jesus is holding all things together, and nothing is outside His control (Colossians 1:17).

3. The message indicates God’s intentions toward us.

The verse the angels sing speaks not only of the reconciliation or peace Jesus would bring between God and man but also of God’s “goodwill.” The word “goodwill” is an old-timey word that we don’t use all that much anymore, but goodwill is kindness, a favorable attitude toward someone.

God’s sending of His Son, as detailed in this passage, indicates God’s good intentions towards His creation. Though in many religions God is depicted as distant, uninterested, or uninvolved, God — the only true God — is very passionate about and interested in His creation. When God created mankind, He made us as the very climax of His creation (Genesis 1:26-2:3).While He spoke the other elements of the universe into existence, He bent over His creation of man like a tender mother — and personally formed Adam out of the dust, and then later, Eve out of Adam’s rib (Genesis 2:7, 2:22).

With scary events on the news, we may wonder how God could possibly have good intentions toward us or be a good God with all the bad we see. We should know that we aren’t the only ones to feel this way. Our first parents, Adam and Eve, had doubts about God’s goodness even though they lived in a perfect environment.

They gave into the temptation to doubt when the serpent gave Eve the idea that the only reason God didn’t want them eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was because he was holding out of them. If Adam and Eve succumbed to doubt even though God had given them every reason to believe in His goodness, how much more are we susceptible to these same thoughts?

The Bible tells us over and over of God’s love for us (Romans 8:37-39; Eph. 2:4,5; 1 John 4:9-11). In fact, God didn’t create suffering or sin. The very reason He allows it is because you and I wouldn’t be here if He had ended the world long ago. It’s because of His patience and kindness that He has not demolished His creation broken by sin. At one point, God will send Jesus back to earth to judge humanity and bring an end to this earth (Revelation 20:11-15; Mark 13:31).

However, in the meantime, we have hope in the midst of our circumstances. We have Jesus who provided a way for us to be in right relationship with God despite sin. As this passage tells us, it is because of God’s goodness and love for us that He sent His Son to earth to save humanity.

Some of you listening may struggle with the idea that God loves you. Maybe no one has ever shown you love before or perhaps events in your life have led you to believe God doesn’t love you and you are unlovable. The opposite is true. Belief in God’s love is the key to experiencing His love. As you believe, you will begin to see and experience more and more God’s incredible goodwill toward you.

Conclusion:

With so much uncertainty and turmoil in our world, it’s easy to get swept up in fear or other negative emotions. We may long for a time when life wasn’t so complicated or look around us and have difficulty feeling joy in the midst of all we see. Just as the news given to the shepherds so long ago was meant to give them great joy and lift their spirits, so the news of Jesus is that which we can accept with joy years later and celebrate when all around us looks bleak.

In response to the news, the shepherds went to find Him. Similarly, if you are reading this and haven’t yet put your faith and trust in Jesus Christ or have received Him but are far away at this point, God promises to be found by those who seek Him (Jeremiah 29:13). Let’s take a moment to thank God for His wonderful gift of Jesus. And if you haven’t received the gift of salvation, I encourage you to do so now so that you too can live with the kind of peace and joy possible only when you are in relationship with Jesus Christ.

Prayer of Salvation: Dear Lord, thank you for Jesus. I believe in You and the fact that You sent Your Son to die on a cross for my sins. I admit I am a sinner in need of salvation. Please forgive me for my sins and walking apart from you. I ask you to be the Lord of my life, forgive my sins, and walk with me for the rest of my days. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Want to listen to co-hosts Carol Whitaker and Suzy Lolley talk through and explain the points in more of our latest posts? Subscribe on Soundcloud and receive all of our latest episodes!

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Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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How Gratitude Helped Me Feel Joy in My Pregnancy After Miscarriage

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I sit in the doctor’s office.

It has been several months since I have had a doctor’s appointment. I want to have a check-up to see how my iron levels are — where my health is at the moment. I have had a long road of recovery this past year after a miscarriage and surgery. Immediately after my pregnancy loss, I wanted to try for another child, but I had to hold off for some time because my body needed to heal.

As the year wore on, I began to hesitate on that desire. Each month where I combatted dizziness and fatigue made me question whether I wanted to put my health on the line again with another pregnancy.

And now, one year later, as I sit flipping through pregnancy magazines, I am still unsure. I look at the young moms in the photographs with smiling, chubby babies. I eye the modern strollers and diaper bags these magazine moms sport, and I feel detached from these women.

My youngest son has been potty-trained and is now in preschool. I recently turned 36. I have given away most of our baby stuff, and I have just two small bins of baby items in my son’s room.

As these thoughts swirl in my mind, I think as I am sitting here that I don’t feel well. I feel like I am coming down with the flu. I want to go lie down for a nap. A really long one. I had a daydream that morning that I had asked the nurse to give me a pregnancy test and it came up positive. I keep having this persistent thought that maybe I am already pregnant. But I brush that thought aside and decide not to say anything about that to the doctor.

Once in the examination room, I tell the doctor my health history and that I might want to try for another child. Even as I voice the words, I can feel myself retreating further away from that decision in my own mind. I don’t feel committed to this course of action at all. I think that maybe this noncommittal attitude is for the best. I can be happy with the children I have. It will probably not be the easiest thing for me to get pregnant after all. I am over the age of 35, and from everything I have read, I know my fertility rate is on the decline.

I continue to feel worse as the day progresses. I feel an onset of nausea when I am cooking dinner. I am starving hungry but nothing sounds remotely edible. Repulsed by the smell of raw chicken near me, I am reminded of the fact that I only have a bad reaction to meat when I am pregnant. These symptoms assaulting me are only those I have when I am growing a life in my womb.

Later that evening, I rummage through the cupboard, almost on a whim, to see if I have any pregnancy tests in the vicinity. I am surprised to see one unopened in a box. The expiration date has already passed, but I reason that it still might work. I go upstairs alone to my bathroom. My husband is watching TV and my kids are asleep. I watch the first line color in, and I pause for a moment because I see just one line. How can this be? I say to myself. I feel pregnant. I glance away for a moment and then I look back. A little jolt goes through me. A second line has colored in — ever so faint. But it is there.

I call my husband upstairs and I show him. We don’t smile or celebrate like we did with my other positive pregnancy tests. We just look at each other over the double lines, and I mostly feel numb. A little tremor of excitement ripples deep inside, but I push it down because it’s still really early. And I don’t know where this is going.

A Diagnosis: Foreboding Feelings

The next few days are a blur, and I am functioning more like an I-don’t-feel-anything zombie than an expectant mother. I don’t feel like I think I should.

But because I have been writing about emotions for some time, I know better than to beat myself up for the way I am feeling (or not feeling, rather). So I decide I need to explore what is going on with me a little more in-depth. I tell God during my quiet time that I am not sure why I am so numb. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but why don’t I feel joy?

Not too long after that conversation with God, I get a phrase in my mind that I remember reading about, and the phrase is this: “foreboding joy.” I know who coined that term so I pull up some videos and articles on the Internet from researcher Dr. Brené Brown. In one such resource (*see my note at the end of this article), Brown says something that immediately resonates with me: “The most terrifying, difficult emotion we experience as humans is joy.” She continues on to say that we often don’t want to “soften into [a] moment of joy because [we are] scared this moment of joy is going to be taken away.”

When I hear Brown’s explanation of foreboding joy, I have an aha! moment. Yes, that’s it! I am experiencing foreboding joy. I am afraid to let myself feel joy because I don’t want that moment to be stolen. That little ripple of excitement I felt after the pregnancy test? I suppressed it. Something inside of me said, “No ma’am, not again. Remember how happy you felt when you found out you were pregnant last time? How foolish you felt when that all came crashing down?”

However, according to Brown, what I am doing is attempting to anticipate tragedy before it happens so I won’t be hurt by it, but what that is doing in me is making it impossible for me to experience joy. Brown stresses that truly joyful people don’t attempt to “shut it down” when they get a “tremor of joy.” Instead, they choose thankfulness.

Quite interestingly, Brown’s statements about not attempting to forecast negative events in advance are those that have a biblical basis. The Bible, the ultimate authority by which we are to measure our thoughts and actions, warns against foreboding thoughts. Proverbs 15:15 says, “All of the days of the despondent and afflicted are made evil [by anxious thoughts and forebodings], but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast [regardless of circumstances]” (AMPC).

Joyce Meyer illuminates the meaning of this verse, saying:

Because I had been hurt so much in my life, I was really negative and expected the worst all of the time. Even after I had a strong relationship with God, I still struggled with this for a while. Then one morning, I was standing in the bathroom and I remember noticing this pressure, this evil presence around me. It wasn’t new; I realized that I’d always felt it. It made me think, ‘What bad thing is going to happen next?’ I asked God what this feeling was. He spoke to my heart that it is ‘evil forebodings.’ Later I found Proverbs 15:15 … Once I read that verse, I realized what it meant. It was the fear of something bad happening when nothing was going wrong.

Meyer goes on to say that we should expect good to happen to us rather than bad. As the Pulpit Commentary states, the “afflicted” in the verse is referring to those people who “take a gloomy view of things” and “are always taking anxious thought and forecasting evil.” The days are “made evil” by the person’s continual fretting!

Though I wasn’t necessarily “forecasting evil” to happen in my situation with the pregnancy, I was choosing to try to not let myself get too thrilled in order to brace myself for the worst — and in a way, that was choosing to take a negative view of things. And although Brown makes her statements about joy and gratitude from a slightly different angle than the writer of Proverbs, Brown ultimately advocates a similar point: We must embrace joy and not try to push it away. As Brown asserts, we can’t embrace joy by willing ourselves to be happy. We do this by practicing intentional gratitude.

Certainly, gratitude does not feel like the right option for me in this moment. Numbness does. However, as Brown states elsewhere, foreboding joy is a type of armor we strap on ourselves to feel safe. And even if that option feels safe, it isn’t. Proverbs reminds us that allowing foreboding thoughts can actually bring the bad things we fear our way.

So, while I think I am protecting myself by freezing my feelings, attempting to be “practical” by not anticipating a good outcome, I’m not. Instead, I need to wrap my arms around the moments I feel tremors of joy, however scary. And even if I don’t immediately feel joyful feelings, I can fix my mind in the moment and focus on what I can be thankful for in the situation. And my intentional thankfulness opens the pathway to joy.

A Conclusion: Dictating My Emotions

I’d love to tell you that after my research on foreboding joy I have been able to immediately feel the way I want to feel. But every day has been one step at a time for me: listing what I am grateful for; choosing to give thanks even when I want to put my emotions on lockdown; fixing my thoughts on positive things when I feel scared about having another miscarriage.

My conclusion is this: Though I should pay attention to my emotions as they are useful in letting me know there is a problem, in some cases, they aren’t reliable. I can’t in this instance let them dictate how I will respond because what feels like the right way is actually not helpful, but harmful.

I have to go with what the Word tells me in Proverbs 15:15. I need to expect for and look for good. Not only that, I need to look around me and notice the things that are good right now.

Thankfulness is God’s will for me in every circumstance (1 Thessalonians 5:18) — even in this situation that feels so scary and unexpected, yet wonderful all at once.

Really, when I think about it, choosing intentional gratitude isn’t just about creating the capacity in me to feel joy; it is really about letting go of trying to somehow control or minimize pain in a situation I can’t control and choosing to plant my thoughts on good as a way of telling God that I am submitting to Him in this circumstance.

Because as the author and finisher of my faith, He has already gone before me — already knows the outcome. And though I detest uncertainty and situations that feel messy and unpredictable, this pregnancy is a chance for me to let down my human defense mechanisms and say …

Lord, even in this, I trust you.

*Author’s note: This article was originally published November 20, 2015 and has been updated from its original version. Please note that many of the comments I included from Brown are from an interview Brown did with Oprah. In my original version of the article, I included the link to that interview, but decided in this revised version not to include it, as our site does not wish in any way to promote Oprah.

Oprah believes in many New Age views that denounce what the Word of God says — and add and subtract from it in a way that we as Christ-followers cannot support. Brown is a legitimate researcher and many of the truths she has discovered in her research are those that we can find a foundation for in the Word of God; however, I would approach her materials knowing that she has taught many life classes for Oprah and herself promotes faith — but one that is quite inclusive.

Keeping this in mind, I would urge you to be cautious when looking up Brown’s materials — as many of them you will find on Oprah’s magazine site or on her Super Soul Sunday segments.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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Learning to Depend on God

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“I can do it myself!” my daughter announced as she raced ahead of me down the sidewalk. My heart did a little sideways flip-flop as I watched her neon shoes hit the pavement, causing her Lalaloopsy backpack to bounce against her narrow frame.

It was the second day of kindergarten. At my oldest daughter’s pleading, I had allowed her to ride the bus home from school. As the bus rumbled to a stop and the kids filed out, I did not catch sight of her. Worried that she had been placed on the wrong bus, I peered in to ask the driver and found my daughter giggling with two new friends on the front seat.

Looking surprised to see me, she jumped out of her seat and bounced down the stairs onto the sidewalk. Her feet had barely hit the pavement before she whirled around and insisted, “I can do it myself!”

Obviously, she had no idea where to exit because this was her first time riding the bus home, but rather than admit her need for my help, she declared that she would have been just fine had I not leaned in and collected her.

Watching that determined little girl skip away down the sidewalk, I felt a rustle in my spirit. Isn’t this what I do to God on a regular basis? How often does He fetch me off the “bus” only to see me claim that it was all my own doing?

Perhaps that heart flutter I felt was because I am often the little girl in this interchange. I am the one telling God, “I can do it myself.”

Independence as a Coping Mechanism

A can-do spirit has always been stitched into my DNA. My parents would most likely corroborate, but in looking back, I also developed self-reliance as a weapon I used to fight back against circumstances I couldn’t control.

Unfortunately, I had some situations in my childhood where I tried to voice my needs, and I was answered with irritation, anger or silence. I soon discovered that it was easier not to assert myself in some situations. Easier not to create a problem.

I became self-sufficient so that I wouldn’t impose on anyone. I built a fortress of one to protect myself. I didn’t realize that whether or not people always have good reactions to me, I need to share my needs. God doesn’t want me to cover up who I am in an unhealthy way to please others. I am not a problem if I speak up or express how I feel.

Giving up Self-Sufficiency for God-Dependency

Self-sufficiency wasn’t the only way that I tried to manage those people around me and make them like me; I also made the decision to be really useful. Not only would I never inconvenience the people in my life by expressing what I wanted, but I would also display how productive I could be — how successful. I would prove to everyone I was worth it.

Particularly in college and the first few years of teaching, I became extremely performance-driven. Although I didn’t recognize it as such, I was relying on my own fleshly attitudes to make it through my life. I believed in God, but I didn’t really know that He could help me with all the finite details of my emotions. I didn’t think He cared about that. My “It’s all up to me. I have to make this happen” attitude in college took a toll on my body.

I developed a nervous stomach and paralyzing fear and anxiety. While other people agonized over the extra pounds they were gaining, I fit easily in size zero jeans. All of my worrying whittled me down to very thin. One particular Sunday, I went forward at church for prayer when stress had brought me to the point of near collapse — and the preacher happened to say something about the cause of anxiety during the prayer time: fear.

A light bulb went off in my head, and I began to see how my terror that I wouldn’t measure up or succeed was paralyzing me and causing me to over-work myself in an effort to succeed. When I realized that the antidote to fear is trust, and I could hand over my worry to God and rest, my schoolwork became a lot more manageable. Because at the bottom of all of my self-reliance was a huge fear: that I would fail. I would fail in relationships. I would fail at being successful.

And when I failed, I had an even bigger fear — I would be rejected.

Acting Out of the Flesh

What I didn’t realize a few years ago is that by trying to change myself to please people, I was attempting to manufacture acceptance from the people around me with my actions. The desire to do things without God is something every person attempts to do whether he or she recognizes it or not. Even Christians can operate in the flesh.

According to a By Divine Design conference I attended, living in the flesh is when we attempt to meet our own needs for love, acceptance, worth and security apart from God. This desire to be independent came into the world when Adam and Eve sinned (Genesis 3:1-21). Our flesh wants control, but we cannot experience abundant life when we live out of our flesh rather than His Spirit (John 6:63).

I’d grown up in church and had only heard flesh defined as our sinful nature that leads us to lie, cheat, steal, lust, etc. However, I didn’t realize that flesh is a little more encompassing. Certainly, we may be tempted in those areas that I just listed, but acting out of our flesh also includes the ways we try to do life in our own strength and the coping skills we use to get what we want out of our environment —  even those skills considered socially acceptable (By Design). I tried to do this with my independence and performance; however, there are other coping strategies that exist as well: criticism of others, workaholism, stoicism, escapism, perfectionism, and the list goes on.

The more I tried to cope by using my own flesh patterns, the more tied up in knots I became. It’s not wrong to have needs or express them, as I learned, or let the people in our lives help us feel loved and cherished; however, it’s a problem when we lean the entire weight of our identity on others’ reactions and our own achievements. God never intended us to generate our own devices to get through our circumstances. Consider what God says about how we are to approach life in Proverbs 3:5,6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

The New Living Translation actually says that this means “do not depend on your own understanding.” Therefore, the Bible teaches a dependence on God — not on our own flesh. In practical terms, this means seeking out the advice and will of God in our choices, relationships, and actions. In fact, The NIV Application Commentary suggests that not leaning on our own understanding goes beyond just asking for help in daily decisions; depending on God means “not being wise in [our] own eyes” (Prov. 3:7).

We shouldn’t necessarily feel guilty if we go somewhere for lunch before consulting Him; however, this does mean that our attitude is one of acknowledging God’s wisdom as surpassing our own. Trying to bull-doze through life on our own strength is being wise in our own eyes. Being dependent doesn’t mean we don’t have a personality or a brain. Being dependent means giving up our self-made strategies and learning God’s better ones. Being dependent means trusting so that we don’t have to fall for the lie that “it’s all up to me.”

Because the other part of Proverbs 3:5-8 is this: When we choose to depend on God’s ways over our own, He “makes [our] paths straight.” The Hebrew word for “straight” indicates “travel made safe by clearing and leveling the road” (The NIV Application Commentary). That means when we choose to lean on God instead of ourselves, He literally clears the way. It doesn’t mean we won’t be met with obstacles, because we will, but we will be traveling a way leveled in advance for us by the Almighty God.

We can rest because He’s got our back. And I don’t know about you, but that way sounds a whole lot better than trying to “do it myself”!

*Revised from a post originally published February 5, 2015.

Editor’s Note:

Please note that in the articles “Set Apart for God’s Special Purpose” and “Having the Faith to Get Through Your Storm,” changes were made to account for sources that were not included in original draft and/or bring clarification to key concepts. While we make every effort to correctly identify sources in original, at times corrections do have to be made after publication. We apologize for not including those in original draft. Please check out our new publication policy on our About page.

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Want to listen to co-hosts Carol Whitaker and Suzy Lolley talk through and explain the points in our latest posts? Check out the brand new Beulah Girl podcast on Soundcloud. Subscribe on Soundcloud and receive all of our latest episodes!

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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