Looking for Writers and Adding Some Changes to the Blog

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to-the-overburdened-womanHi friends,

We want to take this opportunity to thank you for following the blog. I started this project two years ago, and I love the friends that we have collected along the way. For the past two years we have posted weekly (with a few exceptions). However, at this point, we are in a transition with the project, and we will be making a few changes. To that end, we will be going to a less rigid schedule and scaling back on the frequency of our posts while we work on those changes. Therefore, you can expect a few less posts in the next few months — but we will still continue posting and keeping the blog updated with fresh content. If you are following us on Facebook, you can also follow us via email so you get every one of our posts.

In addition, we are opening up the blog to guest writers for the first time. If you are a blogger and would like to be considered as a guest post for the blog, you can submit a piece through our contact form. Please observe the following that you need to include in your submission:

1. A Belief Statement: You must be a devoted follower of Jesus Christ to write for Beulah Girl. Please submit a brief few sentences about your spiritual journey and your beliefs (if they are not clearly stated on your blog). You can provide a link to your church website if your beliefs are not clearly stated on your blog.

2. A Blog Link: As alluded to in the previous bullet, you must have a blog or website where you are a regular writer. Please send us a link to your blog. We prefer that you have several articles (a minimum of five) for us to look over. The blog does not have to be a spiritual blog, but we request the link so that we can get a feel for who you are as a writer.

3. An original post: The post must be an original post (one you have just written or one that you have posted previously on your own blog). It should be free of grammatical errors and be anywhere from 500 -1500 words. If it has previously been published, please let us know that and give us the original link and date it was posted. (Also, don’t send us anything that has copy rights on it.) Here are some loose guidelines to focus on when writing your post:

  • A lesson that God taught you through an everyday experience.
  • A story in your life in which God is teaching you about who you are and who He is.
  • Advice you would give to someone else going through a similar situation (how you reached healing in an area, etc.).
  • Writing that fits in one of the following categories: Spiritual Life, Emotional Health, Physical Health, Ministry, or Relationships.

Etiquette and Other:

  • Quotes or excerpts from relevant Christian books or sites are fine – but all information that is not original must be properly quoted with reference to the title and author (and no posting of any information that is copyright protected). Keep quotes short.
  • Bible passages can either be referenced or given in entirety. Keep passages short. Provide chapter and verse reference; if not in NIV, please note in parentheses.
  • Posts should be civil in tone and not slander family members, friends, other bloggers, church leadership, church members, etc.
  • Posts that challenge certain actions of people that are not in conformity with Scripture are acceptable as long as civility is maintained — and an attempt to protect identity of those in close circles is maintained.
  • Discretion is encouraged when discussing sexual or otherwise controversial topics.
  • No derogatory or racist language.

If we are interested in using you as a guest post, we will contact you via email and let you know when we will publish your piece. We reserve the right to decline any submission, and we will only contact you if we plan to use your piece. In addition, we edit submissions and reserve the right to take out or add any lines before publication (we will let you know in writing of any changes).

Thanks for your interest, and we greatly appreciate you as a reader of Beulah Girl!

 

 

 

 

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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Doing Work That Has Eternal Value

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In Percy Bysshe Shelley’s poem “Ozymandias,” the lines describe a traveler who finds the ruin of a statue of a ruler. Stamped on the pedestal are these words: “My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: / Look on my works, ye Mighty and despair!” The words are ironic because the statue, depicting a ruler influential enough to have a statue made, is broken to pieces and sunken in the desert sand. Nothing but a wasteland of barren earth stretches beyond his hand.

The obvious meaning of the poem is that our accomplishments, however great, won’t last forever.

The message of the poem is one that resonates with all of us because there is within the human heart that desire to create or do something significant and important. I remember as a young person reading well-written pieces of literature and looking at famous sculptures and paintings, thinking, “I wish I could something significant like this. Something important.”

However, my definition of valuable work was somewhat skewed. I deemed something of worth if it was esteemed by a great number of people. If it made it into the public arena for some reason.

Perhaps your definition is similar. Or perhaps you carry around a different definition. Perhaps “important” to you means a title from a certain institution. Maybe it means a certain degree. Maybe it means a level of achievement.

What Does the Bible Say About Work?

The Bible defines work of value in an entirely different way than you and I might. In 1 Corinthians 3:9-13, it says this:

 For we are co-workers in God’s service … . But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work.

The passage makes a clear distinction right away about the kind of work God wants us to labor in. As verse 9 states, we are “co-workers” with God. To be truly meaningful, our work cannot be an effort of individual willpower. We must rely on God’s help and directive and labor with Him in the process of all we do.

When we fulfill the tasks God ordains us to do and walk in His will, we build on the right foundation using “gold, silver, costly stones” (v. 12). Christ modeled this kind of work when He continually stressed that He only did what the Father told Him to do — and declared that work “finished” when He died on the cross (John 19:30).

In contrast, if we try to build in our own power, our work will not stand the test of time. As Bill Gillham notes in Lifetime Guarantee, our own fleshly pursuits are merely “the wood, hay or straw” that will not last, even if built on the right foundation (v. 12). We can do work that looks good and might even look spiritual, but working without the right motives and not allowing God to work through us will be revealed with fire (v. 13).

Doing Work That Has Eternal Value

A few years ago, when I left teaching and surveyed my years as a teacher, I felt that I had done a good job. I considered myself an excellent teacher. But then I began to get God’s perspective on my time as a teacher and realized I had squandered much of my time and energy on being liked and worshipped by my students. And the hard things I walked through after teaching revealed my career for what it was: mostly a shrine that I had attempted to build to myself.

Yes, there were those moments when I felt God directing me to speak to a student, and I did. And I know that God had me in that particular school. But even as I felt that I was supposed to teach for that particular season, I didn’t take the opportunity to be a godly example to my students or consider how each day could be an opportunity to act out of God’s will. Largely, when God put the magnifying scope on my years in a high school setting, most of what I considered I was crumbled, and the truth emerged that I was more addicted to man’s approval than God’s.

On the other hand, I can think of specific instances in the last few years that have appeared like a disaster from a human standpoint — like I have failed even though I did as God directed. But as time has gone on, those “failures” have begun to look different in hindsight.

For instance, a few years ago, I felt I was to initiate a conversation with some fellow believers about an unhealthy situation they were involved in. It was very awkward for me to bring up the problem, but I felt strongly to do it.

They listened quietly, and as I walked away from that conversation, I knew that I most likely would not be welcome in their presence again. I also did not know if they would accept my advice.

They did not. They continued on down the path they were on. They didn’t say anything further to me but cut off contact with some people we both knew. In some ways, I wondered, God, why did you have me say anything?

However, as time has gone on, I learned more about the situation they were in and how they had gotten in even deeper in an area that God had me address. Though I didn’t see and haven’t seen any signs of a change in either one of them towards separating themselves from their harmful environment, I do know that my words (not mine, but God’s) are true whether they embrace them or not. That even if they choose never to listen or turn away, these words may come back to them at a later time.

Because God’s Word stands whether we listen or heed His words or not. And God has specific works for us to do whether we know it or not.

Ephesians 2:10 states that God has prepared works for us in advance to do. Isn’t that thought amazing? That maybe all we are thinking about today is the sweater we want to buy at Marshalls, the ingredients we need to pick up at the store for dinner — or making it through the day without going crazy with our small children underfoot. But God has eternal plans that He wants to use us for.

Sharing an area of healing we have had with a friend.

Giving a sum of money away to a family in need.

Scheduling a meeting with our pastor to talk about starting a ministry in our church.

Nurturing our children with God’s love and teaching them His precepts.

Whatever small or big thing God may be nudging us to do today, those things are important and significant not because anyone will necessarily see us doing those things, give us an award for doing them, or help push us from obscurity into the public for doing them. Those things are important and significant because God wants us to do them, and they hold eternal value because He promises that those things we do that He directs us in will bear fruit — the kind that we can’t bear in our own strength. The fruit which stands the test of time.

So the next time you are thinking about how you can make your work more meaningful, ask God for His perspective. Ask Him what He would have you do for Him. You just might be surprised by the answer!

Let’s pray: Lord, you know that we want to do things that are meaningful for You. But sometimes we get off track and do things that will bring glory to us or push ourselves into the spotlight and get praise from man. Help us to focus on You and do what will please You and bring glory to You. Forgive us for the ways we have fallen short. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Related Bible Verses:

1 John 2:17: “The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.”

John 6:27: “Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”

John 15:5: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

 

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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Spiritual Growth and Maturity: Why Is It Taking so Long?

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My son has been potty-trained for two years.

However, though he is potty-trained, it has taken some time to learn to use the bathroom on his own.

When he does business that requires a long sit-down on the commode, I have to remind him how much tissue to use, how to rub soap to get the germs off when he washes his hands, and how to untangle his clothes and get them back on his body.

I been issuing these same instructions for two years. Though he is getting more adept at remembering what to do, he still needs me to monitor him. He sometimes forgets a step or struggles to get his own clothes on or hops off the toilet in the middle of business and wants to play.

Though we are making progress — the boy is no longer in diapers — the progress is slow. I sometimes wonder if this child will ever be able to be in the bathroom alone without my assistance.

It sometimes feels like my journey to spiritual maturity is taking just as long. Getting into a rhythm with God where certain bad habits are overcome for good, where I obey the second He calls, where sin doesn’t have a hold on me — is taking longer than I want it to.

However, as I was thinking about rhythms this morning, I reflected on the fact that “getting into a rhythm” takes time. You have to learn it. Feel it in your bones before you can join in or snap to the beat. I remember my former choir instructors actually snapping out the beat with their fingers to themselves before they would raise their arms, look at the choir or orchestra, and begin directing.

They had to feel it before they could direct us in song.

When we are discouraged with where we are at spiritually, there are several things Rick Warren points out in The Purpose-Driven Life about spiritual maturity we should keep in mind.

1. God is not in a hurry.

While we want a magical transformation where all of our fleshly ways are remedied at salvation, that isn’t what happens in the Christian walk. We may have a dramatic salvation story and turn from whatever lifestyle we are engaged in, yes, but it takes time to learn to walk in God’s ways. An entire lifetime, in fact!

Warren likens the process of spiritual growth to the strategy the Allies used during World War II to liberate islands in the South Pacific. Note what he says about the Allies’ strategy:

First, they would ‘soften up’ an island, weakening the resistance by shelling the enemy strongholds with bombs from offshore ships. Next, a small group of Marines would invade the island and establish a ‘beachhead’ — a tiny fragment of the island that they could control. Once the beachhead was secured, they would begin the long process of liberating the rest of the island, one bit of territory at a time. Eventually, the entire island would be brought under control, but not without some costly battles.

As Warren stresses, God gets a beachhead in your life, but then he begins His strategy to take over the whole island. Why? For the purpose of  liberation! Rather than get discouraged when we compare ourselves to others and see that they are further along than us, our job is to submit to the work God is doing at the moment and trust that as long as we are surrendering to Him, He has us right where He wants us.

2. Certain habits that took time to learn may take time to unlearn.

As Warren notes, we may be struggling with a habit that took years to develop. A quick fix or solution is not realistic. It may take us some time to overcome this. Rather than give up on ourselves or look for an easy out from the pressure we may feel while God is operating on us in this area, we should be patient with ourselves and know that the working out of this trait may take some time. If our struggle is with fear or pride or self-sufficiency, we may have moments of victory but then other moments where we fall back into old patterns because they are comfortable and it’s what we have known for much of our life.

Rather than beat ourselves for our failures, we need to turn to Jesus, confess where we have fallen short, ask Him to help us in our weakness, and allow Him to guide us towards lasting victory (John 1:9).

3. We need to find friends to come alongside us.

As Warren stresses, we don’t do ourselves a favor when we try to keep the sin or habit we are struggling with a secret. Pride says that we should hide our struggles, but there is freedom in admitting our struggle with another person and asking for help and accountability.

The Bible says that those who confess and renounce their sins will find mercy (Prov. 28:13). Perhaps there is a group you can get plugged into or a wise Christian friend that you can regularly meet with. Relating your struggle in an area with another person can help keep you accountable and make ground against this thing — rather than stuffing it down and keeping it silent, so that it just turns into a shameful thing you try to hide. Your friend or prayer partner can also help you make a plan to avoid situations where you will be tempted to act in ways you know you shouldn’t.

Conclusion:

Just as it takes time for fruit to grow and ripen on the vine, it takes time for us to mature spiritually and develop the fruit of Christ-like character, as well as develop the ability to effectively minister to others.

Knowing that this maturation is a process can encourage us when we feel like our struggle with the same old habits or sins will never end; we can know that God is always working. The one who can stand in the way of this is us!

So, as Warren says, let Him do as He pleases and trust that He who began a good work in you will complete it (Phil. 1:6).

Related Bible Verses:

Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG): “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me — watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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Christian Ministry: When You Want to Know That There Is a Point to What You Do

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Several weeks ago, I did a video chat on fear. All of the other members of my blog were busy, so I decided to do it alone because I felt the message was one that was important and needed to be put out there.

I typed up an outline of notes, went to the library to print them out (because our printer hasn’t been working for some time), and went through them a few times to rehearse for the event.

I fed my kids, put them to bed and then hurriedly touched up my makeup and changed into a nice shirt and finished off the outfit with a necklace (which, by the way, I hardly ever wear because jewelry is a thing of the past now that I have a brood of messy kids).

I went downstairs, laid out my notes, and logged into the computer to start the chat. I began it right at 9, but as I began talking, it was like a giant pin burst my bubble.

The one person in the chat who had shown up decided to leave and swing back around. Approximately no one was in the chat area after that. I couldn’t hear my voice in my headphones like I normally do, and slowly, I began to melt down like an ice cream cone in August heat.

The one thought in my head: Why am I doing this?

And I considered just stopping right then and there. Closing up shop. The careful notes I had written, the frantic run to the library to print out notes, the effort I had taken to put my kids to bed (with promises of “sugar cereal” in the morning if they stayed quiet and in their beds), the rallying of my tired, then very pregnant body to get in front of the computer at night for less than three people to show up (and a few more that didn’t identify themselves in the chat).

I paused the recording to get in touch with help because I wasn’t even sure if my voice could be heard. The technical person got me back on track within minutes, and I finished the chat as best I could — feeling silly, alone, and pointless.

What is this all for, Lord? My heart cried before I went to bed that night. But I suppose the better question should have been: Who is this all for?

Because that is what I really wanted to know. The planning. The preparation. The work. The sacrifice.

And what I mentioned was just some surface stuff. I had some real and troubling conflicts in my life at the moment because of the blog and the choices I constantly made to make time for it.

I woke up the next morning, and the Holy Spirit immediately got my attention during my morning devotion. I read these words by Matt Chandler: “[You’re] not the point.”

It was almost like the Holy Spirit had inserted my name right in those words: “Carol, you’re not the point.”

I was a little ticked off in reading that because I wanted to be comforted, not assaulted by my own self-absorption.

However, wanting the applause of people was a constant struggle for me. Even in a ministry aimed at pointing women to Jesus and finding healing, I wanted to be the point. I wanted to be liked and have millions of Twitter followers and be esteemed for my message. I didn’t think I was successful if only a handful of people showed up for my video chat.

But maybe that handful were important enough to Jesus that He send me that message for them. After all, Jesus was willing to leave the 99 for the one. He didn’t worry when He was talking to the woman at the well or the young rich man or the crippled man on a mat that He was spending so much time on one. He wasn’t urging His disciples to catch the moment on Instagram or send out a Tweet about His good deed that day.

No, He did it because He was always about His Father’s work, and His Father’s work often included the one.

The Point of Our Ministry Efforts

I heard a story once of a man who felt he needed to go to a particular logging town and give a sermon. When he got there, he found the town completely deserted. No one was there. Confused, he walked into the chapel they had there and felt very strongly to give his message to an empty room. So he did. And after the message, he felt like his mission was accomplished, so he left and had no idea why he had done what he had.

Years later, he was approached by a man and thanked. The chapel hadn’t been empty after all — there had been a man hiding in the back. He chose not to reveal himself, but he had heard the entire message — and when the rest of the camp returned, he told everyone the message, and the entire camp was saved.

When we make Him the point, there is always a point to what we do.

You see, we do what we do not for others or to be seen by others, but for Him. And it just so happens that others get blessed in the process of our obedience — even when we give chats to invisible audiences and sermons to “empty” rooms.

John the Baptist said about Jesus, “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30, ESV). When he said these words, John had no idea how these words would come to play out in his own life. Some time after he made this statement, John was thrown in prison.

And while in prison, John had a very human moment when he sent a messenger to Jesus and said, “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?” (Luke 7:20). Clearly, John was concerned because things weren’t exactly going the way he thought they would.

And Jesus sent him back this response, “The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor. Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me” (Luke 7:22, 23).

Seems kind of terse, doesn’t it? Clearly, John was looking for some kind of reassurance and comfort in his situation, but Jesus didn’t exactly provide that. Instead, He stated that His ministry was advancing in the way it should and people who did not “stumble” because of Jesus were “blessed.” If we look at the word “stumble” there, in other translations, this word is actually “offend.” In other words, Jesus said that anyone that wasn’t offended by the unusual methods of His ministry was “blessed.”

John the Baptist, considered by Jesus to be one of the greatest in the kingdom, didn’t get an explanation as to why things were going the way they were. Only that people were getting healed and set free, even as John himself was in the background, in the shadows — about to be executed.

Why Taking Risks and Doing Ministry Jesus’ Way is Worth It

Have you ever felt like your work is in vain? The risks you have taken? The hard conversations you have had at Jesus’ prompting? The relationships that have been strained or lost when you did what God asked of you? And it seems like what God asks of you just requires you to decrease more and more, and you wonder what He is up to?

Yep, me too. But John the Baptist’s words and life remind us that success in the kingdom of God often looks upside down or backwards to us. Some of the ways God will ask us to minister won’t make any sense to our human reason. He won’t always answer our whys or respond to our questions in the way we expect. We might wonder if what we’re doing matters. If what we’re doing for Him is worth everything we’ve lost.

In a devotional, blogger and author Bonnie Gray encourages us with these words: “If we are being faithful to express who God is calling us to become, then it’s worth it. Faith in Jesus is always worth whatever comes.”

And so, I’ll continue. To dress up. To show up. To do things that feel pointless and confusing because He has told me to.

Because it’s not about me. When I make myself the focus, I look for the huge audience and recognition. I look for things to go the way I want. But when I make Him the point, I let Him orchestrate events the way He wants to. And I leave the results to Him.

Because after all, isn’t that the point?

Related Bible Verses:

Ephesians 6:7: “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people.”

1 Corinthians 15:58: “Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor is never in vain.”

Hebrews 6:10: “God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.”

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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Why You Shouldn’t Give up Even When It Feels Like God Isn’t Answering Your Prayers

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In 1996, the movie Twister came out, and it introduced me to the idea of a storm chaser.

This concept of someone who deliberately went towards a storm — chasing after it, even — seemed a little peculiar to me. I, like many of you, prefer to run in the other direction when a storm hits — to hide.

And not just physical storms, but emotional storms at that. However, there are actually people who enjoy the thrill that comes from chasing a storm — being near it, documenting it.

In Scripture, we see many storms, and just like you and me, most of the people we see within its pages try their best to get out of the storms of adversity. Esther didn’t exactly want to go and make a request of a king. Moses tried to back out when God called him to confront Pharoah. Jonah ran away when God asked him to witness to Ninevah (but ended up in a storm anyway).

However, we see that God often calls us to places that are hard and difficult. Places that will shake our faith and cause us to be uncomfortable. But He doesn’t call us to do it because He doesn’t love us or because He is like some of the crazy thrill seekers that call themselves “storm chasers.” No, He does it because He knows what we need to grow as Christ followers.

We need only look at Mark 6:45-51 to observe a place where Jesus sent His disciples onto a boat ahead of Him onto the Sea of Galilee, knowing that there was going to be a storm. He had just performed the miracle of the five thousand loaves. Things were going pretty good for the disciples, but then things got dark pretty quick. A storm blew up when they were on the boat alone without Jesus, and they were tormented by winds that were against them — making headway very difficult.

A few things we can take away from this passage about our storms:

1. His directive may be for our protection.

We must note that Jesus was actually getting His disciples away from crowds that were scheming to make Jesus king. Jesus knew that the intent of the peoples’ hearts was far away from the purposes of God, so He instructed His disciples to get into a boat (Wiersbe [John] Bible Commentary). He dismissed the crowd and went away alone to pray. This, however, wasn’t without some resistance on the disciples’ part. The wording suggests that the disciples had to be somewhat persuaded to get in the boat without Him.

While His disciples may have only been able to see the storm they were in and wondered at the wisdom of their master in sending them where He did, Jesus saw the danger in staying where they were at and sent His disciples away not to send them to their demise — but to protect them. As Lysa Terkeurst has aptly observed, “Sometimes rejection is for our protection.”

Perhaps we only see the storm ahead of us that we are currently in and we look longingly back at whatever situation we just walked out of, not realizing that perhaps God moved us on for our safety. Perhaps the relationships we wanted so badly to work out, the opportunity we wanted to see open for us — God led us away from that not because He didn’t want good for us, but because He was keeping loving watch over us and had a better place in mind for us to go.

2. God sees you in your situation.

Even though Jesus left the disciples to row alone across the Sea of Galilee, the disciples were never out of his “sight,” so to speak. As the Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary notes, Jesus “saw” from His mountaintop. We often think that because we can’t immediately see Jesus in our situation that He has abandoned us. However, we can clearly observe in this passage that God always sees and God always knows.

Just at the right moment, when the disciples had been rowing for eight or nine hours against contrary winds, Jesus appeared to them. Just like Jesus waited to come to Lazarus until he was already dead, Jesus waited until His disciples most likely felt that their situation was utterly devoid of hope.

We may feel like Jesus has waited too long and our situation is already hopeless, already impossible to resurrect. But Jesus was aware of the situation even when He was high on the mountaintop, but let His disciples be tried to a certain point before He came to them at the appointed time — in the fourth watch of the night.

3. God is fully in control of the situation.

When Jesus finally came to them, He walked on top of the waves towards the boat. The disciples had been toiling at their rowing for hours and had made very little headway, yet it was with the greatest of ease that Christ walked to them on the water — elevated above the chaos, in complete command of the situation.

They disciples didn’t recognize Him at first. They thought He was an apparition and then He spoke and said, “Take courage! It is I. Do not be afraid” (v. 50 ). Even though they had walked with Him for some time and knew Him as a friend, they were slow to comprehend that it was their Savior walking towards them. And when they realized it was Him, they welcomed Him into the boat and were utterly amazed at their “awful nearness to One whose ‘way is in the sea,’ and whose ‘path is in the great waters,’ and whose ‘footsteps are not known’ “(Pulpit Commentary).

We can think that He doesn’t know what we are going through. We may be praying and hear nothing, or read Scripture, and have nothing stick to us. We keep straining at the oars wondering if God even knows what we are going through, and then He speaks and lets us know with absolute certainty that He knows exactly where we are.

Because God may be silent for a time does not mean He isn’t working in the background or fighting battles for us that we can’t even see. If we don’t hear anything or He doesn’t come immediately in the way we think we should, we need to listen on the ramparts for Him (Habbakuk 2:1) — and trust that not a single sparrow falls without His knowledge (Matthew 10:29).

4. His intent all along was to get them over to the other side.

In the John 6:21 account, the disciples “immediately” got to where they were going as soon as they welcomed Jesus into the boat. Some commentaries I read assert the idea that perhaps this was another supernatural happening of the night. That not only did Jesus feed five thousand, walk on water, enable Peter to walk on water, and calm the storm — all in one day and night — He enabled the boat to reach the shore with miraculous speediness.

Whatever the case — whether they were able to reach the other side swiftly simply because the storm died down or because Jesus enabled another miracle that night, we see Jesus’ intent for them all along in sending them out to sea: to get to the other side. We can be assured by this then that whatever adversity God sends us into is always that which has an end goal — our final destination is never to be left in the storm.

Why We Shouldn’t Give up in the Storm

Why, then, the storm? I don’t know all the reasons we have to suffer the trials we do, but I do know this. He sends us into storms for our growth, to increase our faith (Pulpit Commentary).

As every good parent knows, a child will not mature as long as you do everything for him. The sole reason my five-year-old son is not very adept at putting his own clothes on is that I have always done it for him. All those mornings when I had to get him off to preschool, it was much easier for me to clothe his sleepy body instead of making him dress himself. But he struggles to put his clothes on now because he hasn’t had much practice.

Faith takes practice, too.

The storms of life are not easy. They test and try us and make us wonder if God even knows what we are going through. But we can rest assured that God will not leave us to our rowing forever — that He sees us from His mountaintop — and has an appointed time for which He will come and cause the waves and the winds to cease. Then, just like the disciples, we will fall on our faces and exclaim, “Surely, you are the Son of God” (Matthew 14:32).

Surely you are Jesus because no one else could save me from this. Surely you are Lord because I was beyond help. Surely you are Lord because no one else could have orchestrated such an escape.

Take heart, friend. He sees you in your storm.

Want to join in a chat about life’s storms? I will be discussing the points in this post (as well as throwing in a few extra details). You can subscribe for free to our live video chat this Monday, August 15 @ 9 p.m. EST, watch the replay, or leave a comment below.

UPDATE on BLAB CHAT: Blab has been closed down! We are so sorry, but this chat will not be taking place. We will be looking for a new means to host our Monday chats.

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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When Jesus Asks You to Go Into a Storm

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When Jesus Asks You to Go Into A Storm

A few weeks ago, I listened to a sermon that dug into the marrow of my soul. The sermon was about the storms of life that come up suddenly — like sudden squalls on a calm lake.

The sermon made an impression on me not only because it was a compelling talk and gave a slightly different take on the story of the disciples on the sea, but because it touched off a little warning signal in my spirit. I felt a whisper all around me. Something is coming.

Though I am a firm advocate of looking for good and not projecting bad in the future, I also know that sometimes God warns us of things to come. I felt that He was giving me an oh-so-subtle heads up. I buckled down in prayer. I braced myself in spirit for the phone call, the conflict, the problem to emerge.

But, as so often happens with God, I got the slow dawning realization that perhaps the storm was one that I was going to have to walk into on my accord. A hurricane wasn’t necessarily going to brew up outside my control and leave me in the middle without a choice (as has often happened). I was going to have to choose to walk into it and trust Him to meet me in it and get me through it.

As I have shared many times on my blog, I have been through some healing these past few years — and the end result had been peace. I had set boundaries in relationships that had never been set before. I had made amends and apologies. I had experienced great gains in sifting through emotional baggage and negative unresolved emotions that had built up.

But in a way that is His own, God showed me that I was in danger of falling back into some of my old people-pleasing patterns. I had backed away from some confrontations, had remained silent when I should have spoken up. God was prompting me not to lose the lessons He had taught me, but to keep walking head-long into difficult conversations and initiate tough calls as He led me.

To stop hiding and being cowardly about facing people. To walk in the power of His Holy Spirit and not backtrack into avoidance and escapism when He directed me to places that were difficult.

Jesus Directs His Disciples Into a Storm

As the pastor pointed out in the sermon on the disciples, in John 6:16-21 Jesus directed the disciples onto the lake knowing that there was going to be a storm:

When evening came, his disciples went down into the sea, got into the boat, and started across the sea to Capernaum. It was now dark, and Jesus had not yet come to them. The sea became rough because a strong wind was blowing. When they had rowed about three or four miles, they saw Jesus walking on the sea and coming near the boat, and they were frightened. But he said to them, ‘It is I; do not be afraid.’ Then they were glad to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat was at the land to which they were going.

What is interesting to note here is that Jesus sent the disciples into the boat without Him. He left to go and pray. We must know that there are some decisions we will have to make. He will direct us — but we ourselves are the ones who must choose to walk in that way. He won’t force us.

And — even when we do our duty and listen to Christ’s command, we will find ourselves in adverse circumstances, afraid. Many of us assume that doing the will of God will lead us away from difficulty rather than towards it. But as we see in this Scripture, the disciples’ obedience led them straight into a squall.

However, just at the right moment, when the storm was reaching a fever pitch and tossing the disciples about — Jesus came to them, walking on the water, saying, “It is I; do not be afraid” (v. 20).

As commentator Matthew Henry notes, Jesus walking on the water revealed His complete command over the situation. He walks above our trouble and circumstances and can teach us to do the same. However, as the accounts in Matthew 14:26 and Mark 6:49 relate, the disciples were afraid when they first saw Jesus because they didn’t recognize Him at first. Jesus, to them, looked like some sort of apparition. In the darkness and the winds, they couldn’t make out His face.

And perhaps we don’t recognize Jesus in our circumstance at first either.

It was only when Jesus spoke that they recognized His voice and invited them into the boat. Again, just as they chose to go into the boat at His command, they also chose to welcome Him into their boat in the midst of the storm.

And it was only then that they “immediately” (as the passage says) reached the other side. Was Jesus being merciless, then, by sending them ahead of Him into the boat into the storm? No, not at all. Sometimes, the only way to get to the other side is through an incident than around it.

My self-protective tendencies make me want to always look for the easy way, the way where no one gets offended, no one gets upset and no one gets their feathers ruffled.

But that’s not always the way Jesus would have me go.

Did He send His disciples to die in the middle of the lake? Did He send His disciples to a place He couldn’t see or control?

No, He sent them into a storm that He would meet them in the center in, even though it looked, by all appearances, that He would be sitting this one out.

Is God Asking You to Walk Into a Storm?

Perhaps God is asking you to do something hard. Confess a wrong to someone else. Confront a friend about a sin. Set a boundary in a relationship where the other person has freely walked all over you for years. Say no to a situation that is tempting you to act in ways you know you shouldn’t.

But to do so may mean a storm. It may mean a loss of a relationship. It may mean people mocking you for your beliefs. And you tell God you don’t want to go. You want to stay on the shore.

I want to as well, friend. But I know I have to go. So the Holy Spirit and I have been sifting through relationships. I have been consulting Him about what to say, which direction to go. And one by one, as I seek Him and seek His Word, I am launching out in actions that will continue to provide the boundaries around me in relationships, that will help me navigate those in a healthy way with His strategies rather than my own.

Is it easy, friend? No, it’s not. His way never is.

But is it life-changing. Life infusing? Spirit-dependent living? Yes it is.

I urge you — take His invitation. Step out. Leave behind the safe dock and embrace the winds — because it is in the storm where He will meet you.

If you would like to join in for a chat about emotional healing and maintaining that healing after you’ve walked through it, I will be talking more about that as well as the inspiration for this post. You can subscribe for free to our live video chat this Monday, August 7 @ 9 p.m. EST, watch the replay, or leave a comment below.

 

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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The Secret to Being Content in any Circumstance

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The Secret to Being Content in any Cirumstance

“Mom, our playground is so small. It’s like a baby playground,” my daughter announced as I eased the minivan into the carpool line that snaked in front of her school.

We had recently moved into a new community, and after only a month in her new first grade class, my daughter had been giving me an earful about the inadequacies of her new surroundings: The “baby” playground that did not compare to the one at her old school. The cafeteria that smelled like “stinky green beans.” The public library near our house that didn’t have the chapter books she liked.

She continued, “The only thing I like playing on are the swings, and you only get one turn.”

“And you probably can’t swing that long because everybody else wants a turn, right?” I ventured.

“Yes!” She sighed.

Although I forced a positive tilt in my voice, my shoulders sagged as she conveyed her displeasure over her playground situation. As she walked into school and I drove away, I reflected on the fact that lately I felt frustrated every time I talked with her. Our conversations over the past few weeks had left me feeling like a complete failure as a mom.

Later in my quiet time, I confessed my feelings of mom-inadequacy to God. Why did I feel like I couldn’t connect with my daughter lately? Why was I so irritated and exhausted by her litany of complaints?

As I poured out my feelings to God, I didn’t really expect to get an answer. But almost immediately after I expressed my frustrations, a little question bubbled up in my mind: Is it your responsibility to fix everything?

I pondered over that for a moment and realized that God was helping me pinpoint what was going on: every time my daughter expressed a disappointment, I felt like I had to fix it.

When she complained about anything, my mind immediately went to ways I could smooth over the situation, make it work the way she wanted. Without realizing it, I was equating how I was doing as a mom with her satisfaction level in her environment.

Perhaps this situation presented a lesson not only for me as a mom and a Christian but a lesson that I could impart to my daughter about life.

Yes, I wanted her to be happy, and I wanted to consider her needs, but perhaps I was doing a great disservice by allowing her to grow up thinking that the world could and should be changed according to her demands. Because it couldn’t and wouldn’t.

And perhaps our conversations could be a little less stressful for me if I took the pressure off myself to fix things I couldn’t fix. (Yes, I admit as she was talking I was thinking about how I hoped perhaps the PTA was looking into designating funds for a new playground.)

The Apostle Paul: A Lesson in Contentment

We need only look to the apostle Paul to learn a lesson in contentment. Paul certainly knew what it was like to be in adverse circumstances. In the book of Philippians, Paul is imprisoned in Rome. He had limited mobility, no permanent residence, scarcity in his food supply at times — yet he has this to say:

 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:12, 13)

The Philippians had sent him a gift but had lamented over the fact that they had not been able to support him recently in the way they had done in the past. With his words, Paul assures them that he is content with little or much. He mentions that he has “learned the secret of being content” (v. 12). His words suggest that he had been learning this lesson over the course of many situations — both lean and prosperous. His secret?

He finds contentment “through” Christ (v. 13). He is able to endure any situation not because of his own strength but because of the strength of Christ who lives within him. As the Pulpit Commentary suggests: “It is only in Christ, in spiritual union with him, that the Christian is … self-sufficient. His presence gives strength to do and suffer all things.”

The self-sufficiency Paul mentions is not a sufficiency of looking to one’s own self, but a “Christ-sufficiency” — an ability to “accept whatever came his way, knowing that his life was not conditioned by either [want or plenty]” (The IVP New Testament Commentary Series).

Not only that, earlier in Philippians 1:12, Paul shares the method by which he measures his situations. He finds cause for rejoicing, even in trials, as long as his greatest mission — to advance the Gospel of Jesus Christ — is being accomplished.

Learning to Be Content in all Circumstances

This afternoon I plan to turn what I was seeing as a communication gap between me and my daughter as a communication opportunity: I am going to sit down and read Philippians 4:12 to her and explain that we can be content no matter our situation looks like.

That, yes, I too had noticed some new things I didn’t like since we moved (and had found myself missing our old house and old community in moments), but dwelling on those thoughts had led me to discontentment.

Rather than just considering if our situation brought us comfort or suited our every whim, we could use both Paul’s source of strength and means of measurement by which to approach our circumstance.

God’s words in my quiet time and my later reflection on Paul’s words to the Philippians reinforced to me that the next time my daughter began grumbling, and I felt the urge to do mental gymnastics thinking of solutions, I could relax and just listen.

I could consider whether or not the situation really needed to be changed or if God had us right where He wanted us — living out His will — in a place that didn’t necessarily need “fixing” at all.

Want to listen in to learn more about Philippians 4:12 and chat about the topic of contentment? To join in for a discussion on confrontation, subscribe to our free video chat this Monday, August 1 @ 9 PM EST, or leave a comment below.

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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What It Means to Walk by Faith, Not Sight

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WHat It Means to Walk By Faith, not Sight

Thomas is one of those characters in the Bible I never really connected with. His story I knew was one placed in the Bible to show me why I shouldn’t doubt, but I never saw myself as Thomas-like.

Therefore, I didn’t know how much like Thomas I was until recently when I recalled his words to Jesus after a particular doubting incident of my own.

A Situation Where I Doubted

At the beginning of last summer, after my husband received a job offer in a neighboring county, Keith and I felt that we were to put our house up for sale and move. Not too long after our house went on the market, we got an interested buyer. Except the situation with this buyer was very unusual.

He showed up without a realtor or an appointment to see our house. He simply walked up to our front door and rang the doorbell. I was sitting on my bed when I heard the door. I had been praying a few moments earlier about our house sale, but I didn’t expect a person to show up during the prayer session.

I was scheduled to leave with my children in a short time to go to a party — and my hair and makeup were not done (so it could not have been a more inconvenient time). However, when the doorbell rang, I thought to myself, “I bet it’s someone who wants to see the house.” I remembered hearing a story by a pastor of a time when her house was for sale, and she had the unusual experience of a person driving by, stopping, and then deciding to buy the house.

Without getting a message from heaven like a scroll rolled down from the clouds, I had a knowing inside that this was what was happening. Therefore, with a plain face and hair askew, I raced down the stairs and opened the door to talk to him. He stood there with his high school age daughter and explained that he had recently divorced and was looking for a house.

He didn’t ask to come in, but I invited him to do so because my husband had just pulled up. He walked through the house, and I gave him my realtor’s information. He contacted her shortly after, walked through the house one more time with my realtor, and told her he was interested in putting in an offer.

Our realtor was skeptical of this buyer because he didn’t have an agent and had showed up in such an unusual manner. However, she agreed to write a contract for him. After she had written the contract, she became even more skeptical as he did not sign right away but instead took several days to look into financing. In the meantime, we had another buyer express an interest in putting in an offer.

The night we knew we had another interested buyer, our first buyer announced that he had his financing worked out and wanted to go forward with signing the contract.

However, my agent advised holding off on letting the first buyer sign the contract until we learned what the second offer was going to be. When she gave that advice to me, I felt conflicted. I had felt all along that God had brought us the first buyer (after all, he did show up while I was praying!), but I experienced doubt. Maybe we had just gotten this person interested in the property so that the other buyers would feel more urgency in submitting a contract, I rationalized. And, without giving the matter the proper attention it deserved and seeking an answer in prayer, I followed my realtor’s advice and waited for the second offer.

When the second offer came in — at full price — I again felt uneasy, but I signed the paperwork and agreed to an inspection time for the second buyer. From a worldly standpoint, our decision to go with another offer wasn’t unusual in the real estate world. But I didn’t feel good about it the whole time. I was hesitant. I felt that we were doing the first buyer wrong by not even letting him know that we were getting another offer in. And, boy, did we get burned.

The people who put in the better offer retracted it after the inspection, and our first buyer was no longer interested unless we lowered the price of the house (which we were unable to do to his specifications).

Suddenly, we found ourselves with no buyers, and the Promised Land that was waiting for us on the other side of the move got snatched away. We had to let go of the house we had put under contract. This meant losing some of our earnest money and saying goodbye to the exciting prospect of walking into the blessing God had for us there. I was disappointed because we had picked out a new construction home and were going to get to pick out the colors, floorplan, and features of the new home.

But all of that fell apart.

From a financial standpoint, the timing of the house sale would have been perfect because we had a set amount of money in savings rapidly dwindling — and we had just enough to put down on the house we wanted to buy.

And God let us walk through the consequences of my doubt. Afterwards, we did not sell our house right away. In fact, we plodded through several more months of showing our house, waiting for another offer. Because of my lack of faith, I listened to the advice of others over God’s advice. Inside, I had not trusted that God was looking out for us and had brought us a legitimate buyer. I wanted to see what the results would be before I took a chance on this person.

Like Thomas, I wanted to touch the scars rather than just hear that they were there.

A Second Chance: Stepping Back Into Belief

Because God is loving and gracious, He did not leave us in the wilderness of waiting forever. I confessed my unbelief and apologized for my doubt and felt His assurance that our house was indeed going to sell.

A few months after we lost both offers, we got another one in. Although we did not end up in the house we wanted initially, we were able to find another house in the same neighborhood with an identical floorplan. It certainly wasn’t easy to wait for another offer, and we suffered emotionally and financially, but God still allowed me to walk into His promises despite my unbelief.

Similarly, Jesus did not leave Thomas to his doubting. Instead, He went to him, showed him His scars, and said, “Do not disbelieve, but believe” (John 20:27, ESV). Ashamed of his lack of faith in the moment, Thomas fell to the floor and exclaimed, “My Lord, and my God” (John 20:28, Benson Commentary).

Even though Thomas faltered with a weak faith — Jesus did not turn away or punish Thomas but instead offered Thomas another opportunity of faith. And perhaps that kindness on the part of Jesus was even more heart-wrenching to Thomas than a sharp rebuke would have been.

Only after showing him the scars did Jesus gently reprove him with the words, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” With His words, Jesus showed Thomas that his “demand for the evidence of the senses was a step backward, a resting on the less, not on the more, certain. His Master would have him retrace that step, and become one who rests upon the intuition of the Spirit” (Ellicott Commentary).

In other words, Jesus made it clear that it is better to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).

Walking by faith isn’t easy. It requires rejecting advice that appears like common sense and going with a still small voice that counters the louder voices around you. It requires stepping out and making a decision before seeing any tangible results.

It may require choosing an unconventional buyer rather than a buyer who looks better on paper.

But to do so is to be “blessed,” says Jesus. To embrace “the evidence of things not seen” before they are seen (Hebrews 11:1). However, even if you are hesitant and a doubter like me or Thomas, God offers you the opportunity to step away from your doubt back into belief.

I pray for you that if God tells you something, go with it! Even if it appears illogical, or it is awkward and hard, just do it! He wants to bless and prosper you, but He also wants you to believe He can make it happen. And if you have missed an opportunity to step out in faith, ask God to forgive you. In His grace, ask Him how you can step out once again.

 

 

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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A Christian Perspective: When to Confront in a Relationship

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A Christian Perspective_ When to Confront in a Relationship (1)

Do you like confronting others?

I certainly don’t. As a recovering people-pleaser and person who has worked hard to overcome an addiction to others’ approval, I have struggled to confront people or initiate hard conversations with the people in my life. My tactics most of the time have included avoiding the situation or the difficult person.

However, God showed me as I have walked through some healing the past few years that my avoidance tactics were not doing good things for my emotional health. I was internalizing negative emotions that needed to come out. There were times that I needed to express my needs or set up boundaries with another person or call them out on a wrong action — and I was silent. This created resentment in me over time and also depression because as Joyce Meyer says, “Feelings buried alive never die.”

I was operating out of the wrong idea that Christians have to be nice all the time. “Nice” meant that I couldn’t upset someone or create conflict with another person because if I did, and they didn’t like it, I felt guilty and took the blame on myself for their angry reaction. However, that was a wrong mentality. Jesus had conflicts with people all the time and often said things that made people very upset (to the point that they wanted to kill Him). However, He lived a perfect life and never sinned.

Why Am I so Afraid to Confront People?

My hesitancy to confront others has been a symptom of my people-pleasing disease. At the root of my approval-seeking is a fear of rejection. The disapproval of others is something I avoid because I avoid rejection at all costs. However, never initiating a hard conversation or confronting someone about an action is not a realistic or healthy way to live.

Conflict is inevitable and even necessary with those around us and closest to us. I have since learned that we should focus on handling conflict and confrontation correctly, rather than attempt to avoid it.

That, yes, God does not want us to allow others to simply do as they please around us. However, whenever we have to talk with someone or call them out on a behavior, we should do so with the right motives and do so in love.

When should we confront? I believe that the Holy Spirit will help us in our relationships, but there are several scenarios that may cause us to have to go to an individual and confront them. According to the Bible, here are a few:

1. When someone wrongs us.

When someone sins against us, and we are hurt by their actions, it is necessary in some cases to go to the person and let them know they hurt us. Yes, there are some instances where we should overlook an insult, but there are other instances where it is imperative that we let the person know that they hurt us. Obviously, you will need the wisdom of the Holy Spirit in regards to this, but the Bible is clear that if someone offends or wrongs us, we need to take a direct approach and address it with the person (not run around behind the person’s back and tell everyone how much his or her actions upset us).

2. When we see a fellow Christian in sin.

Again, you will need the Holy Spirit’s wisdom in this area, but there are times when we will need to speak to another Christian about a sin issue in their life. We need to carefully check our motives before doing this and make sure we are not approaching the person from a posture of pride, but the Bible says we have a responsibility to help restore another believer back into right choices.

Our motive in these cases should always be restoration rather than condemnation, and we have a responsibility to approach the individual with humility and grace — rather than accusation. However, rather than stand by in silence, we need to speak up and point out the sin and what it says in the Bible concerning it.

They may get angry when we approach them or refuse to stop what they are doing. The Bible says if we are confronting sin and the person isn’t won over by our words that we should take a few others with us to try again — depending on what the situation is. Our responsibility is to make the attempt and talk with them whether they decide to make a change or not. (Note, this process is for fellow believers within the church, not unbelievers.)

3. When we need to set a boundary in a relationship.

I think of “confront” as only meaning to point out a wrong to someone; however, “confront” can also mean “to deal with (something) in a direct and honest way” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary).

Perhaps we have a dominating friend who always talks over us. Perhaps we have a spouse who never asks for our input in financial situations. Perhaps we are under the leadership of someone who doesn’t communicate expectations clearly.

The confrontation may be us starting a conversation with the other person about our needs in the situation or how the person’s actions (even if they aren’t necessarily sinful) make us feel. Maybe we find the idea of broaching the subject scary because we don’t know how the other person will respond, and we are afraid that we will lose their approval.

We don’t have to convince the other person of our view. They may not want to turn away from their action or agree with us. However, bringing up the conversation is freeing for us. We aren’t bottling up our emotions inside or denying our needs in a situation.

Confrontation Helps Us Maintain Healthy Relationships

Confrontation is difficult and something most of us don’t enjoy doing. However, confrontation helps us set boundaries in our relationships by making it known to the people around us what our needs and feelings are — and if they have crossed the line or hurt us.

Confrontation is also a biblical mandate. Being part of a community of believers means also helping one another to live in a way we’re supposed to. This means helping one another when we stumble — but also accepting help and letting ourselves be held accountable by others.

Although not easy or comfortable, confrontation is a key step in overcoming our own people-pleasing tendencies and not allowing fear of others or our desire to make others like us stand in the way of what God would have us do. (Or stand in the way of our relationship with Him.)

Related Bible Verses:

Matthew 18:15-17: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

Galatians 6:1: “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”

Ephesians 4:15: “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”

Are you afraid to speak your needs or say no to the people in your life? To join in for a discussion on confrontation, subscribe to our free video chat this Monday, July 18, @ 9, or leave a comment below.

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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The Blessings We Gain From Brokenness (The Blessings Of Brokenness Book Study)

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THE BLESSINGS OF BROKENNESS (6)

Not too long ago, my family moved into a new community and transitioned from the church and home we had grown very comfortable in.

I remember well the events that led up to this move. The school year was drawing to a close. My husband generally has a slew of coaching opportunities that are available to him around the spring of every year, and he asked me casually one day if he should stay at the current school he was at or apply at a few of these head coaching positions he had seen pop up.

Because I have been married to my husband for fifteen years, and I am accustomed to his restless and adventurous spirit, I shrugged his comment off and told him with a bit of an eye roll: “You’re staying at the school you’re at.” End of discussion.

However, he decided he wanted to put in for a few positions, so again he brought up the idea of possibly coaching at a different school. I shrugged again and told him to apply to the jobs if he wanted. I figured that these were opportunities that would go nowhere. I had seen it happen many times, and I rationalized that he would end up back at his same school for the next school year.

But that is not what happened. Through a series of events, my husband was contacted for interviews by two of the schools he applied at. At one of the schools, he interviewed for the same position as a coaching friend of his. His friend got the position, and then did something surprising: he offered Keith the assistant position.

My initial reaction when Keith brought this opportunity to my attention was that he shouldn’t take it. The move would not be a promotion, and the school was far away. There would be no sense in my husband taking that job unless we moved nearer to the school. And the school was in a place we had no interest living in.

We talked about this and both came to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be advantageous for him to take this job, but then the Holy Spirit began to work on our hearts. Friday of the week that my husband had mentioned this possibility to me, I opened up my devotion that morning. I don’t even remember what the devotion said or how God made this clear to me, but I suddenly felt this idea wash over me that we were to move.

My husband also told me that he felt like he should take the job. With only the weekend to make a decision and notify the school, we both prayed about it, and that Sunday we had the prayer team at our church pray for us. We did not get a scroll from heaven with detailed instructions or an angel descending down telling us God’s directive, but by the end of the weekend, we both felt that we were to go.

Embarking on a New Move

Initially, there was excitement as we made plans. We had to fix up our house and put it up for sale. We would need to locate a house in the new county. My husband had to notify his current school and his lacrosse program. We scurried to follow this new direction we felt God was leading us.

But, I have to be honest, in the midst of the plans there was some confusion and sadness on my part. I felt a little bit of bitterness towards God. He was leading us somewhere where I had never expected he would. Sure, in my current situation, God had either closed ministry opportunities or told me not to take them, but I accepted it believing that he would open them again. We were comfortable. I didn’t expect that He would ever move us on.

Even though God told me when I prayed about it that the reason we were to go was for “something better,” I didn’t know if I could believe him. I couldn’t see on the outside how anything better could await us in this place I didn’t want to go.

I loved our stately brick house in the neighborhood we had scoped out over a year long process. It represented everything that I had wanted at the time: status, acceptance, and safe environment for the raising of my children. And we would have to leave it all behind.

And — a few months into our house listing, when I got pregnant (again, a surprise that I did not expect), I was rattled by how out of control I was with everything. I know some of you reading this may be thinking, Get over yourself! Give up control! But I can tell you, I struggled.

Yet, however difficult it might be for us to initially let go of something God asks of us — a ministry position, a relationship, a material possession, control — while the process of giving it up may be one we struggle with, the end result is peace and joy.

As Charles Stanley notes in chapter 9 of The Blessings of Brokenness, “When we give up something to which we are clinging and counting as more valuable than our obedience to God, he often gives us something in return that is even far more valuable or beneficial to us. At times, but not always, it is the very thing we gave up. At other times, it is something different but better” (128).

The Blessings of Obedience

Let me tell you what has happened since we made this move that I had mixed emotions about.

We’ve only been here for a few months, and some of the very things I was the most worried about have been the place of unexpected blessing. Yes, I have had some very lonely moments transitioning into a new community, but here’s some of the “better” God has already orchestrated:

  • We have a brand new house. Our old house was getting up there in years, and every week we were having things in the house break down that we didn’t have the money to fix. With our one-income status, we simply couldn’t afford to keep up the house in the way we would want to. We are now in a house that has new fixtures and is a new structure, so we aren’t constantly have to deal with things breaking down.
  • We found a church we loved right away. It had taken us three years to find our old church home, and I anticipated that our new church hunt would be similar. Therefore, I could not have been more surprised to find that the first church my husband recommended was one that would be the one that we felt we were meant to attend.
  • I was surprised to find that I liked our surroundings. As much as I loved our old neighborhood, it was getting very crowded in the area we were in, and I longed for a little more serenity. Lately, for whatever reason, I had been missing the coastal landscape I had grown up in. I had longed for the sight for the ocean again. Though we don’t live near the ocean, we live near a large system of lakes and have one in our neighborhood. There is even a lake that you can see from the edge of our property in the land behind us.
  • My children have been doing fine in their new school environments. They have been very resilient during this move, and I haven’t heard too many complaints about what we left behind.

I have only mentioned material things, but the best blessing of all so far is that in moving I was released from a stressful situation where I felt like I was at a dead-end. I wasn’t making gains spiritually there any longer and felt pulled down by relationships that were no longer helping to further me on the path God had for me.

A New Start for Our Family

I don’t want to sugarcoat things. There has been sacrifice and hardship along the way. And sometimes I have found myself in the last few months longing for the familiar, but I have found myself slowly letting go of what I thought I wanted so much.

The other day, my husband casually mentioned the name of the area we are living in: New Hope.

Even though there are various signs around with the name, I had missed it because the only name I had noticed up to that point was the name in the nearby town and our new address.

New Hope. Let me tell you, friends, after the journey I have been on the last few years, I could not be more excited to end up in a place with that name. I believe that it’s no coincidence. It’s like a further reassurance from God about the things He plans to do while we’re here.

And we’ve been given more than the a name like New Hope to make us think that.

Questions to Consider: Has God asked you to give up something in the past, and it turned out to be a decision that led to blessing in your life? Is there something He is asking you to give up now?

This concludes our book study on The Blessings of Brokenness: Why God Allows Us to Go Through Hard Times. We will have a live video chat over the last two chapters this Monday, July 11th @ 9 PM EST.  Click the video chat link to subscribe for free or watch the replay. Thanks so much for joining us! I hope this study has ministered to you. We’d love to hear how the book has blessed you. You can leave a comment here or share your story with us through the blog contact page.

Carol Whitaker

Carol Whitaker is a coach's wife, mom, writer, and singer. She left a career in teaching in 2011 to pursue a different path at God's prompting. While she thought that the path would lead straight to music ministry, God had different plans -- and Carol found herself in a crisis of spirituality and identity. Out of that place, Carol began writing about the lessons God was teaching her in her desert place and how God was teaching her what it meant to be healed from a painful past and find her identity in Him rather than a title, a relationship, a career, or a ministry. These days, Carol spends her time shuttling her little ones back and forth from school, supporting her coach-husband on the sidelines, and writing posts. Carol also continues to love music and hopes to pick up piano playing again. Carol is a self-proclaimed blog junkie and iced-coffee lover. She resides in Georgia with her husband and three children.

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